Life Goes On
by funvince
Summary: Third Impact was prevented. The world didn't end. It has been six months since NERV was disbanded. Months of therapy had prepared Shinji Ikari for a new life. He finally felt prepared to face the girl he couldn't forget. Rei Ayanami.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of its characters.

Author's Notes: I've stalled on Wishes of the Children, but I still wanted to do a complete Eva story, so I decided to do a straight-up Shinji/Rei fanfic like I always wanted.

This is an AU diverging from when the movies occur in the Eva timeline. This story was sparked from a random thought I had in my abnormal psychology class: _What if, instead of Shinji getting self-confidence from Jedi Knights, aliens, magic, or transplanted anime characters, the poor kid simply had therapy?_

I've done research on many aspects of this story, but my knowledge of psychotherapy sessions stems mainly from my psychology classes, the internet, and the depths of my twisted imagination, so you've been warned.

**Life Goes On**

_Written by funvince_

Prelude

In an infinite number of timelines, it is inevitable that there would be an infinite number of outcomes to what is known as the 'Angel War' on the multi-universal node called _Evangelion_.

On many EVA worlds, Third Impact occurred and all souls became one. Human evolution had been jumpstarted. It can also be said that it permanently ended. Naturally, there aren't many universes that split off from this type of ending. The most prominent spin-off was discovered by Jim Lazar a few years ago and described in his book, Garden of EVA.

On other worlds, pilots Shinji Ikari and Asuka Sohryu become the only humans on Earth. Sometimes, it's Shinji and Rei Ayanami, Shinji and Misato Katsuragi, or even Shinji and Pen-Pen, but for the most part it's the Second and Third Children. Whether they kill each other immediately, die of starvation, survive to old age as sole survivors of a desolate planet, or are joined by others who rejected the lure of paradise depends on innumerable factors.

This section of the multiverse has garnered significant interest in the past few years. I am not usually a follower of trends, but there was just something about three teenagers trying to save a world that had never done any good for them and would break and discard them for its own selfish ends that appealed to me.

Like most events in history that spark the human imagination, it is a tragedy. So it is ironic that the timeline that really provoked my interest was one of the rare few that had a happy ending. Let others enjoy the apocalyptic aftermaths or the doomed romances that will inevitably end when the world does. It is easy to forget that those quiet, sweet moments between Shinji and Asuka or Shinji and Rei enjoyed in the popular media are shadowed by forces that will ensure their eventual destruction.

No, what I am most interested in are the world-strings where Third Impact was prevented and the major characters of Tokyo-3 are forced to adjust to their continued (and perhaps unwanted) existence.

Because the only thing more fascinating than watching people die is watching them live.

The world-string in particular (EVA-1046-3054-34654) that started my journey can be quickly summarized.

The point of divergence occurred after Commander Gendo Ikari released Doctor Ritsuko Akagi from confinement to deal with the attempted takeover of the MAGI by the shadowy group known as Seele. In a 'baseline' universe, Akagi managed to suppress her hatred of Ikari in favor of survival and installed the 666 protector. Later, she would confront Ikari and fail miserably in her attempts to destroy NERV and the man she hated so much.

In another universe...

No one will ever know what prompted her suicidal madness to occur at a much earlier point than expected in the timeline. For whatever reason, instead of trying to protect the MAGI from invasion, Doctor Akagi locked herself inside the computer and activated the self-destruct. CASPER, the supercomputer containing the personality of her mother, fought back, but Akagi, safe in the heart of the system, turned her talents to over-riding the AI.

In the meantime, the call for evacuation was sounded by the bridge crew. Captain Katsuragi found Shinji and dragged him to safety. A comatose Asuka was taken out with the medical unit. Casualties were kept to a minimum because of the heroic efforts of the NERV personnel.

The ultimate ending of the world would still have occurred despite these changes if Rei hadn't been grabbed by Section 2 agents on her way to the LCL tanks and rescued despite her protests.

When a butterfly flaps its wings...

By the time the JSSDP arrived, the NERV facility had been buried under a mountain of rubble. Since the threat of Third Impact was eliminated, the Japanese government called off their attack. In light of the entire collapse of their plans, Seele withdrew to deal with the fury of its members.

Gendo Ikari was not found among the survivors and was presumed dead.

Events moved quickly after that. Sub-commander Fuyutsuki was tried for crimes against humanity. Captain Katsuragi and other personnel were transferred to desk jobs in the Japanese military. Recovery of the Evangelion units and reconstruction of the holding facilities began and is still in progress at the last check.

An investigating committee determined that the three Children were in need of serious psychological evaluation. A broken Asuka was placed in the care of the local military hospital for observation and physical and psychological therapy. Shinji was also ordered to attend therapy lessons, but was able to stay under the guardianship of Captain Katsuragi.

In a surprising act of initiative, the First Child, Rei resigned from NERV. When pressed, she simply replied, "I am no longer necessary." This caused a minor flurry among the upper ranks, but it quickly died down when more important matters came to their attention.

Is this the happy ending I spoke of? After all, the world survived. But mere survival is hardly anything to be excited about, especially when you're living in your own hell. Six months would pass before the major characters of the Angel War would begin to move on with the rest of their lives. And it is fitting that this new chapter in their individual journeys would begin just as the one prior to it. With the actions of the Third Child, Shinji Ikari.

For a more in-depth discussion of these events, please turn to the section entitled _Detailed Histories of 500 Evangelion Worlds._

Now, I'd like to discuss the political and socioeconomic landscapes common to almost all the discovered EVA world-strings that made the Angel War possible...

Saotome Ranma, Ph.D.

Multi-Dimensional Chronology of the Last Days of NERV, Third Branch, Vol. 1

_

* * *

__March 14, 2016_

"Okay class, I don't normally do this, but since it is White Day and we could use a little holiday cheer these days, you may use these ten minutes before lunch to exchange gifts."

"Hai, sensei," the class replied.

Shinji watched the other boys in his class sheepishly get to their feet and handed out small white boxes to the girls around them. White Day was the holiday where boys gave chocolates to the girls who gave them chocolates on St. Valentine's Day a month before. Personally, he thought the American way where everyone simply exchanged gifts at the same time made more sense.

Having all the girls watching and probably quietly whispering about which of the girls he gave a box was someone he secretly liked was very disconcerting. For years, he had dreaded this day, but today he felt a little anticipation.

The rebuilding of Tokyo-3 was going well. Families were moving back to the city and the school had just recently reopened a month ago. He had undergone extensive training in social skills and dealing with anxiety, but dealing with large groups in the real world and not just in simulated scripts was still new to him. He had to fight constantly against falling into old negative thought patterns.

Shinji looked down at the bag of tiny boxes at his feet. He had gotten many chocolates the month before, so he had more girls than many of the other guys to return the favor to. _I probably only got those because I helped save the world. _He caught himself thinking negatively and concentrated a bit. _That may be true for some of them, but it's possible that I really am liked._

It was extremely hard work changing old habits, but he knew the results would be worth it. He stood up and walked down the aisles handing out the white boxes. Shinji forced himself to make eye contact and smile.

_Someday, this will feel natural,_ he told himself. He hadn't gotten to learn how to handle small talk yet, so he was grateful that the girls were too busy blushing and giggling to engage him in conversation.

"Go Touji!" Kensuke yelled.

Touji pulled himself away from the liplock he was in with the class representative and growled, "Shut up, Aida!"

The class laughed then started leaving for lunch with a smirking Touji and a red-faced Hikari leading the way. The former Fourth Child draped an arm across her shoulders and gave Shinji a thumbs-up as they passed.

Shinji smiled back genuinely this time, glad that his friend's life was getting back on track. He had to remind himself periodically that Touji had forgiven him for the loss of his arm and leg, and there was little point in punishing himself for something that couldn't be changed, but it was moments like this that made it so much easier.

It was almost as if the Angel attacks had never happened. The teacher had stopped talking about Second Impact and even Kensuke had moved on to obsessing over other things. Shinji thought he should feel angry about that, having all his accomplishments so quickly fade away, but he found he preferred it that way. The past was the past and it was time to move on.

He couldn't help feeling guilty that for the first time in his life, he felt if not happy then content. He was by no means 'cured' and he would undoubtedly always be shy and anxious, but he was learning to deal with the death of his mother, the neglect of his father, Kaworu's death, and the other horrors that went with being an Eva pilot.

At least, until two weeks ago, he had been perfectly content. Or willfully ignorant if he was going to be honest with himself.

Shinji looked at the last box in his hands. It was more expensive than the others he had brought and in his mind, more special. He glanced over at the bluehaired girl still sitting in the back of the room and frowned slightly.

School had reopened a month ago, but Rei hadn't shown up until only two weeks prior. She drifted in one day and sat at the empty desk in the back and that was that. Rei Ayanami was still registered for the class since the administration was still dealing with the backlog of paperwork caused by the evacuation. And she was a former pilot and could do as she pleased.

That turned out to be doing nothing. She didn't turn in homework, she refused to answer even direct questions from the teacher, and she even fell asleep in class a few times. It didn't seem possible, but she was quieter and even more isolated than ever.

Shinji was concerned at this uncharacteristic behavior and even more so at Rei's physical condition. Rei had always been a thin girl, but she was now quite gaunt. She was disheveled and he had the sense that she'd been wearing the same uniform for the last few days. She didn't even look out the window anymore but stared blankly at her desk. She seemed so _tired_.

Her resignation from NERV had caused a spark of astonishment in him. He wouldn't have thought her capable of such an action though Rei had always been full of surprises. He supposed that because his father was gone and there was no longer any need for pilots, there wasn't any reason for her to stay. He had felt brief concern for what would happen to her, but it had quickly been lost in own self-pity. He had been quite the selfish bastard at the time.

Shinji felt a burst of anxiety looking down at the box he had brought for Rei. He had given the girl little thought during the time he was treated for his depression. Under the weight of his other problems, the matter of her origins had been forgotten.

He felt bad that in all his sessions, he had never brought up his feelings about Ayanami's death and her subsequent resurrection. He supposed that it was for the best since he doubted that he would have been able to discuss that on top of everything else that was dragging him down.

The box in his hand was meant to be an apology for leaving her alone. He was a little angry that though Rei had saved the world she had quickly been forgotten about not only by himself but by the rest of the world. It had taken him the two weeks to decide how he wanted to approach this matter and now was the time to do so.

_Here's to new beginnings, _he thought walking slowly for Rei's desk. His nervousness grew with each step until he told himself that the only person who would see his humiliation was Rei. For some reason, that thought made him feel less frightened.

He gently placed the white box on Rei's desk directly in her line of sight. He expected the lack of response, but he was dismayed to see that she didn't even look up. She didn't acknowledge him in any way at all.

_This is going badly... Maybe I should... No! I have prepared for this. Stick with the plan._

"Ayanami, I wanted to apologize for not being a better friend to you. I do not wish to make excuses and I know that this gift can not make up for my neglect and poor behavior. I have never thanked you for everything you have done for me and I regret that. But I thank you now and hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. Gomen nasai."

Shinji backed up a few steps and gave a deep bow.

With a rapidly beating heart, he glanced up to see Rei's response.

She was still staring at nothing. As far as he could tell, she hadn't moved the entire time. If it wasn't for the slight movements of her chest, he would have thought she had died.

Depression struck Shinji so quickly that it threatened to overwhelm him. His body began to tremble and it took every technique he knew to calm his mind and keep from bolting from the room.

_It's okay. It's okay. Keep it together until you're out of the room._

Shinji quietly said goodbye then walked out of the room. He immediately leaned against a wall and began breathing deeply, trying to make sense of what just happened.

He was surprised at how hurt he felt at this rejection. No, not the rejection itself, but _how_ his apology had been rejected. He realized that he had been depending on the fact that Rei had always treated him differently than anyone else besides his father. He could have dealt with her slapping him or even turning away from him, but he never thought that she would simply _ignore_ him.

Like he was anyone else.

A small part of him, one that he called Wimpy Shinji, wanted to cut his losses and hide until the sadness and shame went away.

_So you want to give up just because you're not special anymore? _He asked himself harshly. _This isn't about your ego! You never checked up on her, you just forgot she existed. That's not right._

_I'm going to get hurt at times. It's part of life._

Oh, that was easy enough to say, but despite all his progress, he still wasn't ready to accept the truth of such a reality yet.

But he _wanted_ Rei to be his friend again. No, that wasn't right either. Their old friendship had been more in name only than in fact. What he wanted was to start over with her. He didn't know why, but it was important to him.

He supposed that this was his chance. _It's not much of a silver lining, but I'll take it._

But he didn't know what else to do. He couldn't do this alone.

Shinji made a decision. Heading down the hall toward the front entrance to the school, he took out his cell phone and dialed a number.

"Doctor Samuels, are you free now? I need to talk to you..."


	2. Chapter 2

What still got Shinji after all this time was that it didn't _look_ like a psychologist's office. There were no diplomas hanging on the wall or a couch for him to lie down on. There wasn't even a desk though he suspected that it had to be kept in another room. There were two armchairs around a coffee table and a lamp off to the side. It looked more like a living room than an office.

He didn't notice these details the first time he visited the military psychologist though. Shinji had only gone because Misato forced him to go. He hadn't bothered arguing. What was the point? Misato kept telling him that the war was over and that he could do anything he wanted now.

She obviously didn't believe these words herself, so how could she expect him to believe it? With her father's death and just recently the demise of Kaji and Ritsuko, she was just as messed up as he was. And she was expecting _him_ to move on with his life?

What was there to celebrate? Shinji had been glad to hear that Asuka came out of her coma a few hours after NERV had imploded. That relief faded when he visited her and saw that she was merely a shell of her former self. Kaworu was dead and only he seemed to care that the boy had been more than an Angel. And while he may have hated his father he found that he missed him. Was he messed up or what?

And Rei... the less he thought about Rei the better.

He was consumed with such despair that he could barely muster the energy to return the greeting when the brown-haired man introduced himself as Lukas Samuels.

Shinji did feel a flicker of surprise when he realized the man was American though he realized that he shouldn't have. The end of the Angel attacks had seen a large increase in the use of counseling services and Japan had ended up having to call in specialists from other nations to deal with the need.

_Nothing but the best for the poor, broken pilots_, he thought bitterly.

Doctor Samuels was dressed very casually in a blue polo shirt and jeans rather than in the lab coat or military uniform that he had expected.

Shinji had hoped to receive some antidepressants or some other prescription then be sent on his way. He would have welcomed such an impersonal approach. The sight of the friendly, relaxed man told him that wasn't going to happen.

He knew that taking some pills wouldn't solve anything, but anything had to be better than feeling like this. The ironic thing was that even after everything that happened to him, he wasn't suicidal. He didn't want to die. He just wanted the gnawing pain to go away.

And that would only make him feel worse because he knew that he deserved to feel this way. For all the mistakes he had made and the pain he had caused to everyone around him.

Shinji waited for the man to either badger him with questions or tell him that it was stupid to keep feeling bad, but instead Samuels said, "It's not every day that I see a teenage hero."

"I'm not a hero."

The reply was flat and emotionless. Shinji was suddenly reminded of Rei's soft monotone and he grimaced.

Samuels raised an eyebrow.

"I see I hit a nerve," he said mildly.

He thought he lost the capability to feel any real emotion, but he was feeling anger now. His voice rising, Shinji said, "Everyone keeps congratulating me! Like any kid in a giant robot couldn't have done it. I'm not brave or heroic. I wasn't even trained for this!"

"Do you deny rescuing Pilot Sohryu from a volcano? Or coming back to NERV even after your own father threw you out to fight against the Fifteenth Angel?"

Shinji rubbed his temple. "Saving Asuka was just dumb luck. We both could have died. And I wouldn't have come back at all if it wasn't for Kaji. And it doesn't matter! You're overlooking the facts that I nearly killed a little girl in my first fight, crippled her brother, and couldn't even help Asuka when she was mind-raped!"

"Wasn't it your father's fault in each of those cases?" Samuels pointed out. "It was his decision to send out an unskilled pilot at the last minute. And you can hardly be blamed when he takes control of your unit for his own ends."

"If I had proved myself to Father, maybe he wouldn't have..." Shinji muttered.

"So you attribute all your successes to luck or some other external factor and all your failures are the result of your incompetence and inner weakness alone."

Shinji didn't know how to reply to that.

"That's a rather egotistical attitude to have," Samuels said.

"Are you saying that I'm _proud_ of my failures?" Shinji asked incredulously.

"You're claiming that the world was saved despite all your efforts. You ignore every event that displays your courage and focus only on the ones where you failed. And you feel _sorely responsible_ for those failures."

"What do you want from me?" Shinji cried. "Fine! I saved the world. All I had to do was kill someone who loved me by popping his head like a pimple!"

Shinji covered his face with his hands and struggled not to break down.

"Kaworu Nagisa wanted you to kill him," Samuels said gently. "Do you know why?"

Why did he keep pushing? Why couldn't he just leave him alone? Shinji wanted to ignore the man, but he found himself speaking. "Because he wanted me to live. And I don't know why. I'm nobody. I'm worthless. What the hell did he see in me? He was so much better than me... All my so-called successes do not make up for my mistakes!"

There was a long drawn-out silence.

"And punishing yourself for those mistakes will not undo them."

The truth of those words hit him and he began to cry. He didn't care any more. Shinji said, "But what else can I do? I didn't want to kill him. I didn't want to hurt Touji. I never wanted _any_ of this! I know that it's over. Everyone keeps telling me that it's over and I should move on.

"But I feel like I'm suffocating. I'm a fraud. Asuka and R-R-Rei fought and suffered so much and _I_ come out on top? What sense does that make?"

He looked up, his tears almost blinding him, and saw Doctor Samuels holding a handkerchief out to him. Shinji took it and wiped his face.

"You suffered grievously in this war," Samuels began then he paused. "No, your pain began long before you came to this city. No one is disputing that. But you can't dispute that you had just as much to do with stopping the Angels as the other pilots and the technicians and the scientists and the command staff at NERV. You all made mistakes, but you did what had to be done.

"Shinji, you are a hero whether you believe it or not. You wanted to run away but you didn't. Your actions say more about you than any beliefs you have about yourself. You are not perfect, but nobody is and there is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with _you_. Someone should have told you that a long time ago."

Shinji nodded, but he didn't know whether it was in agreement or simply to tell the doctor to continue.

"You will never live a full life if you continue to believe that your father left you because there was something wrong with you, or that you are responsible for every bad thing that happens in your life. I want to help you, but you have to let me try."

Then the doctor asked the questions that changed everything for him. "Aren't you tired of hating yourself? Would you like to change?"

Shinji had been startled. The doctor asked the question as if hating himself was something that could be changed. He was also giving him a choice, which was not something that he had ever really had.

He felt conflicted. Everything the doctor said made sense, but he didn't want to believe it. Believing it would mean hoping and admitting that he was capable of being better. He didn't know if he wanted to do that. But it would be nice to have someone _listen _to him for once.

And he wanted the pain to stop...

That was six months ago.

Shinji had learned much about himself and psychology in general. Lukas Samuels was a practitioner of cognitive-behavioral therapy. Unlike traditional therapy, the therapist took an active part in solving their clients' problems.

Doctor Samuels had helped him change the way he felt and acted around other people. Shinji had to change the thinking patterns that gave him a distorted view of the world and made him anxious and depressed. He had to learn better ways to react to troublesome situations than profusely apologizing or withdrawing inward.

CBT was usually brief with patients able to complete their treatments in just a few weeks or months even with problems that traditionally took years to resolve. Then clients would come back only when they had a problem as they would with a dentist or an accountant. And Shinji definitely needed his services today.

Today's session started in its usual fashion. There was the obligatory small talk where Shinji gave an update on how he was coping with being back in school and the doctor would talk about the funny incidents that occurred at a military base.

This was normally Shinji's favorite part of these sessions since it felt more like two friends having a conversation than a clinical appointment, but today he couldn't hold in his agitation.

"I want to talk about Rei," Shinji blurted.

Samuels blinked at the interruption then he smiled slightly. "Rei Ayanami. First Children?"

"Yeah, but you know that," Shinji replied, giving the doctor a look.

"I'm just a little surprised. I couldn't help noticing that you always broke off after mentioning her name. Normally, I wouldn't have hesitated to probe, but because of everything else that was going on in your life I felt it was best to focus on other issues. Besides, I'm not here to solve all your problems, but to teach you how to handle them on your own."

"I _tried_ handling it on my own and I failed!" Shinji complained. He quickly recounted what happened between him and Rei at school earlier. He closed his eyes and leaned back. The encounter still hurt. He wanted to blame the miserable outcome on the girl being the Third Rei rather than the familiar one he had always known, but he knew that attitude was what got him in this situation in the first place.

Maybe she was different or maybe she was exactly the same, but he mistreated her all the same.

Shinji said morosely, "She wouldn't even look at me."

"Did you ask her if she liked your gifts? I understand that she expresses her emotions differently from other people."

Shinji shook his head. "I didn't have to ask. I may not know Rei that well, but I know her better than anyone else. She treated me differently. But today, it was like I wasn't anything to her anymore. Not a pilot, not Commander Ikari's son. Not... anything."

"You weren't special anymore," Samuels said.

Shinji squirmed. It seemed so arrogant when it was said out loud, but that was how he felt. And perhaps he should feel bad. He said softly, "I deserved it. She should be angry at me."

Samuels looked concerned. "Shinji..."

Shinji held up a hand to cut him off. "No, I'm not backsliding. For once, this _is_ my fault." He paused, looking uncertain. "You've read the files. You know about Rei's... origins?"

Samuels closed his notebook and leaned forward. "I am aware of all the classified material pertaining to the Children. To be honest, that is one of the reasons I was hesitant to speak up. This is a... unique situation, to say the least. But I will help you however I can."

"I appreciate that," Shinji replied. He looked down, not knowing where to begin. Like Doctor Samuels had said, he had never talked about Rei. He tried so hard not to even think about her. Why did he feel like talking now?

_Because I'm worried about her._

"After the Sixteenth Angel... after she sacrificed her life..." Shinji trailed off, his throat clogging up. He looked over at the painting of sailboats on the ocean and composed himself. "Watching her die was the most painful experience of my life. It was like watching my mother die again."

Shinji stopped when he realized what he said. _Oh, the irony. My mother... and Rei... no, let's not go into that now._

"I was so happy to hear that she survived. I visited her in the hospital and it _hurt_ that she didn't even remember me. The doctors told me that was normal. Post-traumatic amnesia or something..."

Samuels waited a minute for Shinji to continue then he prompted, "But it wasn't normal?"

Shinji propped up his head on the arm of his chair. He said, "It depends on what you mean by normal. After I found out... about Rei... Doctor Akagi said that the memory transfer took some time to settle down properly. I don't even know why she told me that."

"Maybe she thought it would help you," Samuels suggested.

Shinji snorted. "She had a funny way of helping then. Showing me that tank then expecting me to go on like before. I want to be angry at her. Maybe I needed to know the truth, but did she have to do it _then_? After I saw Rei die!

"It was too much. I couldn't handle it. I ran away again, from the only person who never tried to make me feel bad for who I was."

"But you felt that you had a good reason," Samuels said.

"I guess. I didn't think she was the real Rei. I thought it was a fake, an imposter. I didn't want anything to do with her. She wasn't even human. Looking at her would just remind me that a friend of mine died. Because she could look like her, sound like her, have all of her memories, but she wasn't _her_."

Samuels asked quietly, "What changed?"

"Kaworu."

The name hung in the air and Shinji had to blink back tears. "Even before I discovered that he was an Angel, I knew he couldn't have been human. Grey hair, red eyes. I suspected that he had to be like Rei. But I didn't ask. I didn't care.

"He reminded me of her," Shinji said, his voice barely audible. "It took me a long time to make that connection. It wasn't until I saw her again that I realized how stupid I had been. I learned that my avoiding of Rei had nothing to do with what she was. That I didn't really think that she was a fake. Those were just excuses. I just didn't want to get hurt again.

"Kaworu was safe, or so I thought. He wouldn't die on me or forget me. And best of all, he didn't need anything from me. I could take what I needed without having to do anything for him in return."

Shinji raised his head, his eyes blazing with self-contempt. He spat, "If I had really cared, I would have treated the Third Rei with more respect. I would have treated her like a person. Because while she may not be _the _Rei Ayanami, she is _Rei_ in all the ways that matter and treating her how I did was despicable. I might as well have been my father for the way I thought about her.

"As soon as it turned out that Rei needed me more than I needed her, I bailed. I have to make it up to her. Doctor, I know that it's no good blaming myself for things that can't be changed. I know that what I found out about Rei would have shocked anyone. I _accept _that what I did was wrong and I should try to be a better person, but I can't _forgive _myself for what I did. Because it's not up to me."

Shinji glanced up expecting to see disappointment on the older man's face, but to his surprise, he saw a look of satisfaction.

"Shinji, I am really proud of you," Samuels said warmly.

"What?" Shinji asked incredulously.

"The old you wouldn't have gotten further than wallowing in guilt. That Shinji would have hid from his problems. _You_ took responsibility for your actions without also falling into hopelessness. You have decided to _do_ something about this."

"Uh, that's good, I'm guess," Shinji replied, feeling a little uncertain. On one hand, it felt good that the doctor thought he was making personal progress, but it felt strange to be praised after talking about his horrible actions.

_The point is to look forward, not backwards,_ Shinji reminded himself. He shook himself out of his introspection and said, "So what do you think I should do about Rei?"

"I need a little more information about her. Files can only tell me so much," Samuels replied. "Why do you think Rei liked you in the first place?"

"Probably because I resembled Father," Shinji sighed then caught himself. He looked up with a guilty look. _Oops._

Samuels gave him a pointed look then he said, "Maybe to begin with but after that?"

Over the next half hour, Shinji told him about his history with Rei. He talked about the attack of the Fifth Angel and how she had sworn to protect him and he had been terrified that she had died doing so. He stumbled over the embarrassing incident of delivering Rei's NERV card and how he had been convinced that she would hate him forever.

He had forgotten the good times that had drawn him to her in the first place. Having her thank him for cleaning her apartment or simply quietly walking down the hallways at NERV together, he had felt a deep sense of peace.

_I was so busy concentrating on the bad, _he thought sadly.

Samuels interrupted his thoughts. "It sounds like you were friends to me."

_Maybe we really were. _Out loud, he said, "Not any longer then."

"But it's possible to rebuild. It sounds like Rei is lost. That's why she's coming to school even though she has never shown any interest in it. She's taking comfort in her old routines. I think that she needs help."

"She doesn't want my help," Shinji replied.

"Are you going to let that stop you?" Samuels asked seriously.

"No," Shinji said immediately. "As her friend, that shouldn't matter to me. But what can I do?"

"Follow your instincts. They're done fine for you so far."

"I didn't come here for a fortune cookie," Shinji said, smiling. It used to irritate him when the doctor would force him to think of a solution himself, but he'd come to realize that he needed a sounding board more than he needed someone to solve all his problems.

"Okay, this is what I was thinking..." Shinji began.


	3. Chapter 3

_If you do something that works well the first time, then it's a good idea to do it again._

Shinji didn't know whether he had a brilliant idea or he was just incredibly unimaginative. The plan was simple though. His most significant memories of interacting with Rei had occurred at her apartment - God, that sounded perverted – and she had never resembled a regular teenage girl more than after he cleaned her apartment.

She had been flustered and the only other time he had seen her in that state was after the Fifth Angel attack. Since recreating that moment was clearly impractical, he hoped that this would get her to let him in a little.

He stopped in front of Apartment 402 and let out a long sigh. Rei should have left for school by now though it would have been interesting to see what Rei would have done if he came by while she was still home. Invading her privacy should spark _some _reaction though this was the same girl who had no problem standing around naked with him staring.

Shinji flushed slightly then he shifted the duffel bag on his shoulders and pushed the broken door open.

It was worse than he thought. Rei had certainly never cared for cleanliness, but she always had a sense of order. She had messy piles, but they were _organized_ messy piles. The bloody bandages would lie around the garbage can for example.

But Rei had evidently given up caring even that much. The cracked window was now completely broken and there had been no attempt to even cover it. Dirty, crusty plates lied haphazardly around the room. Crumpled blouses and skirts were strewn about. And most disturbing of all, the pair of glasses that Rei had cared so deeply about was now jagged pieces surrounding a twisted frame in front of the dresser.

Shinji took a long moment to study the chaos then he got to work.

He got out a pair of gloves and detergent and started on the dishes. He was dismayed to find that none of the stains seemed to be recent. A quick check of the refrigerator revealed nothing more than a burnt-out bulb.

A horrible thought occurred to him and he dashed out to the mailbox. Throwing the junk mail aside, he saw unopened military pension checks starting from three weeks ago.

_She's killing herself._

He knew that she had been losing weight, but he didn't think that she had stopped eating completely.

That was all he could think about when he was scrubbing the floors and when he was washing her clothes. He doubted the building had a working washer or drier so he did the best he could using the bathtub and freezing water.

This was turning out to be more serious than he expected. He tried to see this from Rei's point of view. EVA had been everything to her. She had told him that a long time ago.

Maybe he was too hasty to assume that she was mad at him. Maybe she simply didn't care about anything any longer. That thought terrified him, but he couldn't deny that it was probably true.

Rei expressed her emotions differently. This disarray was the closest she could come to crying. And it seemed that recently the despair had become too much to handle. He had come close to that state himself and he couldn't imagine feeling that way for six months.

Six months of loneliness...

Doctor Samuels told him that Rei may have been trying to take comfort in old routines by coming to school. A simpler explanation revealed itself. The basic human desire to not be alone.

This was going to take more than a simple cleanup job. This wasn't just about apologizing to Rei and trying to be her friend anymore. He had to give Rei her life back. She needed him and this time he would not fail her.

Doctor Akagi told him a long time ago that Rei wasn't adept at living. He thought it would be more accurate to say that she wasn't motivated at it.

Shinji slumped against the dresser. It had taken him a long time to admit to wanting to live and he had been infinitely better well-off than this bluehaired girl. Could he really help her turn everything around?

Maybe he should simply report this to the authorities and let them handle it. But the image of Rei lying in a hospital room not much different from this one slowly rotting away wouldn't go away. No, that wasn't the answer.

It wasn't that getting her professional help was a bad idea, but without her active cooperation there would be little that could be done to help her. The problem would be getting her to accept _his _help. Was there any hope of that?

Shinji got to his feet to make the bed. He picked up the pillow to fluff it and froze upon seeing the white box underneath it. The sight of the pristine package made him smile.

Maybe there was hope after all.

* * *

A crazy plan had lodged itself into Shinji's head and he knew that he had to get it into action before he lost his nerve. Holding his intention firmly in his mind, he took the train down to the military base.

The soldiers had become used to seeing him and didn't spare him a second glance. Shinji hesitated a bit before passing Doctor Samuels's office. The man had made it clear that while he would always be willing to help him with his problems, he was not going to be a crutch for Shinji to lean on when making his life decisions.

Shinji reached his destination. The door to the office was already open, so he took a few moments to study its occupant.

If there were ever any doubts that Misato Katsuragi had suffered as much as the pilots in the Angel War, they would have dispelled at once after seeing her face. The spark that had made her who she was could no longer be found in her eyes.

The hard glint of fearlessness had been replaced by weariness. She sat hunched over her desk scribbling away, burdened by a weight that had nothing to do with the paperwork she was handling.

Misato finally noticed him standing in the doorway and gave him a wan smile. Where once she would have jumped up to give him a noogie, she now just nodded slightly for him to sit down.

Shinji missed those past days.

"So what brings you by, Shinji?" Misato asked, putting down her pen.

"Are you okay?" He asked, stalling.

Her smile turned brittle. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Shinji winced at his blunder. He remembered the last time he had asked her that. He remembered one night after the end of the war when Misato had gotten really drunk. And he had stupidly asked her if she was okay.

She yelled at him, rage radiating from her body. "I've spent my entire life training to destroy the Angels and now they're gone. What am I supposed to do now? Those army mother-fuckers assigned me to a desk job because 'I've been through a lot.' Bullshit! They're afraid I'm gonna gun them down! Now, I'm being smothered doing paperwork all day in a closet. And let's not forget that my best friends are dead! And I'm taking care of the whiny brat of the bastard who killed them! SO NO, I AM NOT OKAY!"

Shinji ran away again that night. He knew that he was abandoning Misato again like the night she discovered that Kaji died, but he couldn't help himself. The pain and guilt was eating away at him and he couldn't take it anymore. So he ran.

The police found him two days later in the cemetery huddled in front of his mother's grave.

Misato had apologized profusely, but he had been too shattered at that point to care. And it was during this time that Misato proved that she really did care about him. The week that he started his mandatory therapy sessions, Misato enrolled herself in a program for alcoholics.

He was grateful for that. His recovery would have been impossible if he had to come home to an apartment of empty beer cans and piles of vomit.

But to this day, things remained a bit tense between the two of them.

"Earth to Shinji. Are you picking up?" Misato asked, a bit of her old spirit creeping into her voice.

Shinji didn't know what to say. His idea didn't seem so great any longer. He hadn't considered how this would affect his guardian.

Was he abandoning her again?

"Shinji..." Misato growled.

"I want to move out."

Silence.

Then Shinji reddened. "Wait! I didn't mean permanently. Just for a few weeks. A month or so at the most." He realized that he was babbling and stopped. He began again and explained the situation between him and Rei Ayanami.

"I think she needs somebody to be with her. And I don't think she should be alone and that's why I can't just stay with her a few hours every day and go home every night. She wouldn't be like this if I'd done this a long time ago," Shinji finished.

"I don't know what to say," Misato replied, looking taken back. "Shinji, you weren't responsible for Rei."

"Nobody else was," Shinji said quietly. "I know that she quit, but why didn't anyone check in on her?" He hurriedly added, "I know that neither of us were in any condition to care about anyone else, but shouldn't one of the survivors from NERV checked?"

Misato's jaw tensed visibly. "Thank you for trying to shift the blame from me, but I was in charge of the pilots. I should have checked, but I didn't think there was any need. Rei had always taken care of herself. She's an emancipated minor. I thought that with Gendo gone and with the generous pensions that the government handed out to the pilots that 'saved the world', she would have moved out of that hellhole. She's free to do anything she wants now."

"That's the problem. I don't think she knows what to do anymore. Nobody ever taught her to be anything other than a pilot. She doesn't need _money_. She needs a friend."

"Yeah, I can understand that," Misato said tersely. Then her face softened. "But I don't see why you have to move out. Why not just have Rei move in with us?"

"I don't want to push her too fast. Her world's turned upside down. I think it's better if she stays somewhere that she considers... familiar." He couldn't bring himself to say _home_. While Rei may have dwelled in that building, in no way was it her home.

He continued, "You're never home much anyway..."

That was an understatement. She practically lived at the military base. When she did come home it was extremely late and she left early as well. She seemed to be avoiding him. He thought he knew why.

"And it's not like I'll never see you again. Doctor Samuels's office is just down the hall." He paused briefly. "She needs me."

Misato's face hardened. "And you don't think I do?"

"No! It's just that... I think I'm hurting you more than I'm helping. By reminding you of..." Shinji bit down on his tongue.

But the damage had been done. Misato spun her chair around so her back faced him. She cried, "I don't need your psychobabble! Go ahead and move out! Leave like everyone else!"

Shinji stretched a hand out toward her even though he knew she couldn't see it. "Misato..."

"I said, leave!" She was crying now.

"I want to help you!"

"I don't want your help!"

He didn't want to leave. It seemed like that he was always leaving her. He wanted to help her so badly, but he couldn't force his assistance on her. She needed to talk to someone, but he knew that someone couldn't be him. He was too close.

But it didn't matter since she wouldn't talk to anyone about this. She wasn't ready to let the pain go. She was holding onto it like a lifeline. When he was drowning in sorrow, he was willing to latch onto anyone willing to give him a hand. Misato ignored the hand and struggled to keep her head above water by herself.

Shinji trudged down the hall wondering how things had gone so wrong. He hadn't set out to help one friend at the expense of another. Shinji wanted desperately to help Misato, but he had learned that some journeys had to be done alone. When she was ready, he would be there.

He sighed to himself. _When did I become the person most likely to live a normal life?_

* * *

Shinji looked over his new living space. The empty apartment next to Rei's had the same layout and level of dustiness as hers, but it would do. After another round of intense cleaning, he laid out his futon and hung his clothes in the closet. He was a little dismayed to find that he didn't own that many possessions.

He went back to Rei's apartment and checked on the broth. When he was done with that, he took a final check around the place with a slight frown on his face. There was still much to be done, but unfortunately, a maintenance crew couldn't come by for two more days.

Rei wouldn't be home for another hour and there was nothing else to do, so Shinji sat down at the kitchen counter and stared out the window. Time had gone by quickly today and now he finally had think to really think.

Was this a good idea? He was barging in on someone's life like he had a right to do so. If it was anyone else, he wouldn't dare to do these things for fear that the police would be called on him.

But it wasn't anyone else. It was Rei...

And he needed to help someone, to make himself useful. Misato didn't want his help and he had known long before he met Doctor Samuels that people who don't want help can't be helped. He reminded her to go to her alcoholics meetings and subtly suggested that she talk to someone, but aside from providing a shoulder to cry on, he felt pretty helpless.

Asuka liked seeing him when he visited even if it was only to yell at him, but the hospital provided all the counseling she needed. The fiery redhead was certainly getting better, and she was actually learning to consider that other people had feelings. There was still a long way to go, but she had come far from the shell of a girl that had been admitted months ago. He actually felt like that the two of them were starting to become real friends, but he was sad that she had to fall so far for that to happen.

Rei had absolutely no support groups, so it was up to him to help her. He never imagined that he had a hero complex, but it was a nice feeling to be able to help someone. But this wasn't just about being useful like he had always tried to be to his father. That would have just been _needy_. No, Rei was the only person he had done serious wrong and he intended to make up for that.

It seemed like only a few minutes had passed when he heard the doorknob turn. Shinji turned around in time to see Rei walk through the doorway.

He felt a sense of déjà vu watching her come in, and for one instant he remembered his life before the Thirteenth Angel. Before everything went to hell.

Her eyes widened and her satchel dropped a few inches closer to the ground. Her head tilted slightly and she glanced around, her eyes stopping on him.

For one instant she _saw_ him and he in turn saw her. Her features came to life and he could see the realness and vulnerability of Rei Ayanami.

Then her defenses rose and her face went blank again.

That one glimpse gave him hope and saddened him as well. Deciding to react as though she had spoken, Shinji said, "Hello, Ayanami. I hope you don't mind that I cleaned up a little. I'm sorry for barging in, but I wanted to talk to you."

He held his breath. Everything hinged on her not telling him to leave. If she did, he would have to respect her wishes. That would also mean he would have to call in the authorities because he could not leave her like this. She could hate him all she wanted, but she would live.

But she merely stared at him not saying a word.

Shinji sighed. For someone who never had a conventional childhood, she certainly knew how to do the silent treatment.

He walked over to the simmering pot on the stove and scooped some broth into two bowls. He set them down on the table and looked up to see Rei still standing a few feet away.

Shinji hated to resort to this, but it was time to be blunt. He sat down then said, "Ayanami, I don't really believe that you want to kill yourself. I think that you're just tired. You're tired of having to get up in the morning and going through the motions of life. I know what it's like just wanting to lie down and sleep forever."

He paused to take a few bites then he continued, "I'd be happy to stay and keep you company while you rest. I've already moved in next door, so I can help you with whatever you need." His voice took on a hard edge. "But I have no intention of watching you waste away. So please have some food before you go lie down. You look like you're about to fall over."

For a moment, Shinji was afraid that she was too far gone to take notice of his words, but then Rei took a seat and slowly began to eat.

He looked back at his bowl trying to keep his hands from shaking. He didn't like being so rude with her. It didn't feel right or good. But it was nice to see that he could be forceful when he had to be.

There was a certain freedom in being able to talk to someone without having to worry about social niceties because they wouldn't take offense. But he had to be very careful to not emulate his father and believe that she _couldn't _take offense.

Shinji saw that Rei was almost done with her helping, so he quickly got her another one along with a glass of water. He didn't know much about starvation, but Rei was in surprisingly good shape for someone who shouldn't be able to even stand up. It probably had to do with her nonhuman metabolism.

She looked so delicate, like a snowflake. He thought, not for the first time, that this wasn't a girl who should have had to fight monsters.

He just watched her as she walked out of the kitchen area. She moved gracefully but lifelessly as well. He couldn't help thinking about Misato and Asuka.

_Why am I left standing when stronger people than I have crumbled around me?_

Shinji gently prodded Rei to brush her teeth and to change into a pair of his old pajamas he had brought. When she was done, he turned around and he blushed.

There was just something about seeing Rei wear his clothing that made him feel a little uncomfortable. She looked so small and cute in his large shirt and pants that he almost couldn't stand it.

Once again saying nothing, Rei went over to her bed and lied down closing her eyes. Within minutes, her breathing had slowed and her face had lost the careful, tense control she always wore. She had gained a peace rarely obtained in the waking world.

Shinji knew that it was too early for bed and that he couldn't let her continue to shut herself off from reality forever.

But one change at a time.

On an impulse, he drew her blanket up to her chin and tucked her in like his mother used to when he was little.

"Sweet dreams, Ayanami," Shinji whispered. Then he straightened up and turned away. There was still much to do.

* * *

Review Replies:

Guillermol – I can't believe that I didn't catch such a grievous error. Good eye. I guess that's what happens when one doesn't employ a pre-reader. But that's the trade-off for expediency.

Civet – I'm flattered that you think that I'm writing the characters and the psychological aspects so well. As for knowing the mind behind the words, the truth is too terrifying to comprehend...

narsil750 – Yeah, Jedi Knights are indeed cool and Xardion's story is interesting. And yeah, psychological stories about the Children aren't new though most of them are old, and I was partly inspired by "The First" by SaxonBlue.

-I will randomly choose more reviews to reply to later, so chime in!


	4. Chapter 4

Shinji stared up at the ceiling, wondering for the umpteenth time what he had gotten himself into. He had tossed and turned for hours wondering if he knew what he was doing or even where he wanted to go with this plan of his.

He decided to shelve coming up with a 'Master Plan' since that was driving him crazy and just focus on the here and now. He wanted Rei to be healthy. He wanted her to talk to him. When that was accomplished, then he'd decide what to do.

It was a three day weekend, so he didn't have to worry about how school would factor into this for a few days. With that, Shinji settled into a fitful sleep.

He was so worn out that he woke up late on Saturday and gone into a minor panic, afraid that Rei would think that he had abandoned her. A quick dash to her apartment revealed that she was still sleeping peacefully.

Half an hour later, he reluctantly woke her for breakfast. She quietly ate then quietly went to lie on her bed again.

Shinji was worried that she was going back to sleep, but he saw that her eyes were open and she was simply staring at the ceiling. Was this how she spent her free time?

He knew that he should be doing something, trying to engage her in conversation, but he felt oddly hesitant. All of his decisiveness from the day before had vanished. It didn't seem right somehow for him to come by one day out of the blue and start calling for Rei to change.

She needed some time to get used to his presence first.

Shinji used up some time doing homework and tidying up before rousing Rei for lunch. After she lied down again, he decided that he needed to be more than a mobile piece of furniture.

He went back to his apartment and retrieved his violin. Rei actually turned her head toward him when he returned with the instrument. Encouraged, he spent the next few hours playing Ode to Joy and every other song he knew.

Music was supposedly good stimulation for the depressed though the results were a little mixed in his case. Spending hours listening to his SDAT had been a good escape, but not much for stirring his good spirits. He hoped it was different with Rei. At least this gave her something to focus upon besides her thoughts.

But he could only play for so long before he started boring himself. This was ridiculous. For six months, it had mostly been him and Pen-pen. What had he done with all that time?

He walked around the city and spent time with Touji and Kensuke after they moved back and he had apologized to them. He practiced his social scripts. He went to the library. He visited Asuka at the hospital though he was turned away more often than not. But there were plenty of days when he didn't leave the apartment and Misato didn't come home.

What did he do then? He watched television.

How did Rei stand it? Lying around all day would drive him mad. He realized that there really wasn't much he could do until Rei was back to her normal body weight. He didn't care how strong her constitution was. He wasn't letting her exert herself. So there wasn't much he could do.

But he could talk to her.

Shinji sighed then pulled a stool up to the bed. "Have I really accomplished anything today? I suppose I could say just my being here is probably a big comfort to you, but you need more than that. You need me to talk to you. Otherwise, I'm just a pushy trespasser messing up your apartment."

_If by messing up, I mean eliminating all the grime,_ Shinji thought wryly.

"I've been avoiding talking to you about what needs to be said. It's still very hard for me to be open. I'm trying to work on it. I keep telling you how sorry I am and how I want to help you. But I haven't told you the reasons that you haven't seen me in six months or _why_ I want to help you."

"I was a mess." He hesitated. Nobody liked talking about how pathetic they were, but if he wasn't willing to leave himself vulnerable how could he expect Rei to do so? He continued, "I hated myself so much. I could barely help myself much less anyone else. I kept my distance from everyone, even you. I was jealous of you, you know. You had so much dignity and self-control. I looked up to you. Whenever I felt horrible, I remembered your strength and it kept me going."

Rei's eyes were watching him and he had to tear his eyes away to stop from being drawn into those memorizing red orbs.

"When you died, I lost the certainty that you would always know what to do. Doctor Samuels – he's my therapist - would say that I had put you on a pedestal. He's helped me a lot. I used to think that talking about my feelings was dumb. It wouldn't make my problems go away. And it doesn't, but it does make me feel better and help me put things in perspective. That's half the battle.

"Because of him, I've been able to face Touji and even talk to Asuka. You remember Asuka, right? She's doing better now. She's been at the military hospital all this time and sometimes I'm allowed to visit her."

Shinji shifted in his seat. "You might be wondering why I haven't been around to see you. There are two reasons and they're both kind of stupid. The first was that I didn't think you needed to see me. You never seemed to need anybody and I was sure that you were fine. I never really considered what losing EVA would do to you. That was a horrible oversight on my part."

To his horror, he felt tears forming in his eyes.

"What was the second reason?"

He looked at Rei in astonishment. She was sitting up and rubbing her throat gently. This could have been the first time she had spoken in ages.

Not wanting to lose the moment, Shinji said, "The second reason was that I didn't want to see you until I was a better person. I treated you very badly and I wanted to be someone who would be there for you like you were for me. Someone that wasn't afraid of you.

"And I was very afraid," Shinji said softly. "Afraid that you hated me. Afraid that, deep down, I hated you because my father cared more about you than he ever did about me."

"Why are you here?" Rei asked hoarsely.

A million answers swirled through his brain.

"Because you deserve better than this," Shinji said finally. "It wasn't until I saw you at school that I got the push I needed to do what I should have done a long time ago. You never had a chance at a real life while I've mostly wasted mine. You have done just as much for the world as Asuka and I have. And..."

_I miss you_.

But he wasn't ready to deal with the implications of that.

"...I like to think that we are friends."

Rei looked down, her face reddening. Shinji looked away, not wanting to embarrass her.

"Do you know why I was created?"

It was the first time Rei had ever referred to her unique origins. Shinji focused on the mattress and said neutrally, "To cause Third Impact. The debriefing was very thorough."

"I did not wish to do it." There was an emphasis in her voice that he had never heard before. "I had lost my faith in the Commander a while before that. It took my waking up in a new body before I fully realized this. But my entire reason for being was for the purpose of being Commander Ikari's instrument.

"In… in..." She started coughing.

Shinji jumped up, concerned. "It's okay. You don't have to explain right now. You need to rest." He turned to get a glass of water from the kitchen.

But Rei was clearly desperate. She weakly tugged on his arm. She whispered, "In one moment, I lost everything. I no longer had any reason to exist. I resigned from NERV because there was no more use for pilots. There was no more use for me."

Her voice grew stronger. "For months, I did nothing but what was necessary to keep myself alive. Three weeks and two days ago, I stopped doing even that much."

Rei fell back, exhausted.

Shinji had never heard her say so much. But he supposed that endless days of silence were too much even for someone as quiet as her.

It was sobering to realize that Rei had gone to school only because she hadn't wanted to die alone. If that hadn't been the case, he would never have known that she was gone. It was best not to dwell on that thought.

"How could you bear to be so alone for so long?" Shinji asked. It was not a very tactful question, but he couldn't help asking.

Rei was staring upward again. "I have lived here by myself from when I was six until I was twelve when the Commander enrolled me in school. It was never a hardship. But now... without Eva, I am nothing."

It was times like these that made Shinji realize how utterly alien Rei was sometimes. He had heard of horror stories of children locked in their bedrooms their entire childhoods with no form of mental stimulation but their bare walls and they were vegetables. Rei had the advantage of six years at NERV, but that still meant at least 4 years with perhaps sparse human contact at the best.

Rei would have starved to death or gone mad a long time ago if it hadn't been for her Angel genetics. He didn't know how he felt about that.

Then he looked down at his left wrist where Rei's hand was still wrapped around it. She didn't seem to notice and he had no intention of reminding her.

No, he knew exactly how he felt. He was glad about the Angel side of Rei. It was part of who she was and it apparently made her adaptable enough to survive his father's neglect. He hoped that this sturdiness would also give Rei a better chance of living a normal life than a regular human child who had suffered such deprivations would have had.

Shinji felt a burning anger toward his father that he hadn't felt in months since he accepted that the older man was gone and couldn't hurt him any longer. But he had forgotten that the results of his evil still lingered.

"Rei, you are _not_ nothing," he said more forcefully than he intended.

"I do not have a purpose," Rei stated calmly.

What does one say to that? Only this.

"I don't have one either. No one does, really. This just means that you're like everyone else now. The only real purpose that people have is to live the best lives they can. I know that may not sound like much... It took me a long time to realize that a life like that was not the same as having ameaningless life. It's about finding meaning for yourself..."

Shinji brushed his hair back in frustration. Doctor Samuels had been so much better at this. Just because he'd thought about suicide from time to time didn't mean he could talk someone out of the idea!

He sighed. "I know that you feel like you don't have a reason to keep on living, but please give me a chance to show you that life is worth living for its own sake. Whatever you decide to do, shouldn't you make an informed decision?"

Rei sat motionlessly for countless minutes.

"Thank you."

Then she rolled over toward the wall.

Shinji stared at her, bemused. Was that thanks but no thanks? Or was she willing to try?

He wouldn't push. He would find out soon enough.

* * *

"Ayanami, what colors do you like?" 

Shinji had been determined that Sunday wouldn't be a repeat of sitting around and doing nothing. He didn't want to strain Rei, but he knew that activity could only help her. He would just have to make sure that she didn't overdo it.

After Rei had withdrawn into deep thought or simply fallen asleep again, he had gone exploring through the rest of the building. The biggest find he had discovered was a collection of extremely well-preserved paint cans in the basement.

He decided then and there that if Rei was going to stare at the walls all day, then she might as well have a less dreary color to look upon. As soon as the new day dawned, he had gone down dressed in an old t-shirt and jeans.

He had dragged the cans upstairs, covered the floor with old newspapers, and kicked Rei out of bed.

Now, the girl stood next to him holding a paintbrush and wearing more of Shinji's old clothing. She didn't seem especially enthused, but at least she was participating.

Somewhat.

Shinji prodded, "Do you like green? Purple?"

There was no response, which irritated him slightly. He knew that her silences could mean many things and was not necessarily a rejection of his ideas, but it was trying to interpret what it was she was _not_ saying. Was he expected to read her mind?

Strangely, the thought calmed him. _Despite everything, she's not that different from other girls then. Also, never let Asuka hear that._

"I understand that you probably don't care what the color is," Shinji said gently. "But even in trivial things, the freedom to choose is extremely important. Having power in this will only help you gain control over the rest of your life."

There was still no response, but Shinji could tell by the slight twitch of her nose that it was a silence of thought and not of indifference.

_I spend way too much time staring at her_, he reflected. He looked down at the pile of painting materials and asked, "Okay, how about we just do red?"

"No!"

The response was so uncharacteristically loud that Shinji stepped back, speechless. Okay, red was an awful color for a room, but he didn't think such a strong response was warranted.

Rei squirmed for a second then caught herself. She walked down the line of paint cans and effortlessly picked up a can near the end. "I would prefer blue."

Shinji could hear tenseness in her voice that her monotone couldn't hide. He was actually relieved to hear it. It meant that there were things that she had strong feelings about. He watched her smooth her hair back after setting down the can.

"I've always thought blue was a pretty color," Shinji said softly.

The painting began quietly after he demonstrated how to dip and brush. After a few tentative strokes, Rei got to work with the single-minded focus that she used to apply to synch tests.

Shinji tried to get Rei to talk more about her self. He had always been curious about the azure-haired girl, but he had always been too shy, and to be honest, self-absorbed to ask. Gaining the ability to start a conversation was one of the more useful abilities that he treasured very much.

It took him only minutes to realize that such a skill could only work with someone who was also adept at making conversation.

Questions like 'What do you like? What are your hobbies?' only got him blank stares. He realized that he was making her uncomfortable by reminding her of how much social knowledge she was really lacking.

Rei wasn't used to giving opinions and it was possible that she didn't have many anyway. No, that was a mistake, underestimating her. He knew that she was capable of deep thoughts, but there wasn't an uncontrived way to get at those.

It was best to stick with factual matters for the moment.

He learned more about NERV operations than he ever really wanted. Everything from emergency protocols to MAGI operating procedures. Shinji was bored to tears, but he was also entranced by Rei's soft voice going on and on without pause or hesitation.

At some point in her retelling, there was a subtle shift in her recounting and Shinji began to learn about her life at NERV.

In her six years at the underground complex she had met almost everyone that worked there. He was most interested about hearing about the people who treated her kindly.

There was a janitor who gave her candy from time to time, a security guard who didn't mind if she accompanied her on her rounds. The nurses who examined her when Doctor Akagi was not available were always gentle.

Rei's story was sweet but also a bit sad. There was a time when she had been nothing more than a young girl who ended up in strange places and chattered endlessly at complete strangers like other young girls.

"It sounds like you had friends," Shinji commented during a moment when Rei paused for breath.

Rei blinked at him in a way he knew indicated surprise. "I... never thought of it that way. If that was true, then what happened next was more regrettable than I realized."

"What happened?" Shinji asked.

"I died."

"Uh, oh, sorry," Shinji said, caught off-guard. He spent a split second making sure that he really was sorry and wasn't just apologizing out of reflex. Then he cast about desperately looking for a change of subject

"It is in the past," Rei said simply. "There is not much more to tell. The next four years I spent in isolation that was broken only by periodic visits by either the Commander or Doctor Akagi."

_Her only sources of human contact. Talk about effective brainwashing, _Shinji thought angrily. He took a calming breath and asked, "What did you do in all that time?"

"There were aspects of EVA operations that I was required to learn, but I spent most of my time engaged in what Doctor Akagi called meditation," Rei replied.

There were worse ways to spend one's time, Shinji supposed. Bodiharma was said to have spent 9 years staring at a cave wall. This explained a lot about Rei actually, especially her unnervingly calm acceptance of everything around her.

"I was enrolled into the seventh grade when I turned 12 years old. Nothing of importance occurred outside of the EVA program until you arrived," Rei finished.

Shinji felt his face heat up, but fortunately, Rei was focused again on the wall. She probably didn't mean it the way he thought anyway.

"Why would Father enroll you in school after all that time?"

"He told me that Doctor Akagi said it would be better for my psychological health," Rei replied while dipping her brush in the can.

That didn't make much sense. If Rei needed social interaction, there were surely safer, more controlled environments for his father to put her in. Wasn't it better to have an uneducated, ignorant puppet?

Shinji couldn't think of a single reason on how educating Rei in 'useless' subjects such as history and literature could have advanced his father's plans. Could it be that Gendo Ikari had actually felt guilty for once in his miserable life? He supposed that he would never know.

He absent-mindedly brushed a blue streak over where he had left his hand on the wall. Bemused, he stared at his striped hand then he realized something. He glanced over at Rei and saw that while his clothes and body were covered in spots, she was as pristine as when she started.

There was no way he could let that stand.

With a flick of his wrist, he sent a blob of paint at Rei. It splattered across the front of her shirt nicely. She stared back at him with widened eyes.

_Misato would be very proud of me._

"This is called a paint fight," Shinji informed her, a grin threatening to overwhelm his face.

The confused look on Rei's face vanished. "Understood."

Rei picked up the paint can and in one swift move she poured it over Shinji's head.

Shinji stared at her in shock while blue liquid dripped off his body.

"I win," Rei said bluntly.

Shinji broke down, laughing hysterically. _She- she went nuclear on me!_

"Why are you laughing?" Rei asked.

That just set him off again. He had to double over because his stomach was cramping up on him. He tried to sputter out a coherent explanation, but finally, he just said, "It's... not… really funny if... I have to explain..."

He gave up and surrendered to the laughter. He had laughed too rarely in his life and he didn't want to waste it.

"If you don't explain it, I will never learn why it was funny," Rei said with almost a petulant tone.

Shinji just weakly shrugged at her.

Rei studied him for a moment then she imitated the shrug. Then her fingers began to undo the buttons on her shirt.

This had an immediate sobering effect on Shinji. In a panicked squeak, he asked, "What are you doing?"

"The shirt is stained and must be exchanged for another," Rei replied, her shirt falling open and revealing that she hadn't bothered to put on a bra.

Shinji whirled around with crimson cheeks trying to banish the image of dark tips from his mind.

"Would you mind doing that in the bathroom?" Shinji asked in a strained voice.

"It is reassuring, Ikari, that though you have changed in many ways, you are unchanged in others."

He stood in frozen shock while listening to the sound of her retreating footsteps.

Was that _amusement_ in her voice?

Probably not, he finally decided. But it was a start.

* * *

Review Replies: 

Mcbruce – This is a reply to your WOTC review. I'm glad you like my portrayal of Rei, and I do have plans to continue Wishes of the Children. But I can't really tell you when I can get around to it. What will happen will happen.

Hououza – That's a good way to sum up the changes in Shinji. He's a lot more confident now, but that doesn't mean he's completely rid of his insecurities, which makes for more interesting characterization, of course!

FireDragonBL – I agree that Misato doesn't really blame Shinji for anything, but we've all said mean things in the heat of anger and... drunkenness. But sometimes, it's hard not to blame a child for their parent's actions no matter how illogical the instinct to do so is. As for your comments about the Shinji-Rei relationship... well, if Rei hadn't died, Shinji hadn't seen her clones, Shinji hadn't been so messed up after the near-Third Impact, and Rei hadn't been deprived of human contact for 6 months, then yeah, they'd probably be much closer.

lordmaquareion – I don't have any plans to do POV shifts. The way the plot is set up, the main characters in the story are Rei and Shinji, and I'm already doing Rei's viewpoint in WOTC. Also, I feel it's more interesting and realistic to see life's changes in its flashes and moments through one character's eyes. You will be seeing other Eva characters at some point though.


	5. Chapter 5

Paint was more difficult to get out than he thought it would be. He probably should have done this immediately rather than insist on finishing the painting first. He had been abusing his skin with paint thinner for an hour to get to the point of blue-tinted rather than just plain blue.

_I look like that girl in that horror movie Misato made me watch,_ Shinji thought exasperated. _Except, well, bluer._

He smiled at the thought. Misato used to constantly joke about how exceedingly grateful she was that Asuka didn't have any 'mind powers.' Asuka, of course, thought that Misato was calling her stupid and she would go into red-faced ranting.

It was too bad that those days were gone forever.

Shinji sighed then put new clothing on. If anyone asked, he would tell them that he had come down with a contagious, fatal disease. He smirked to himself. His friends told him that his newfound confidence had made him more sarcastic. He had no problem with that.

He walked out of the bathroom to discover that Rei sitting cross-legged on the floor staring at her freshly painted walls.

_I've heard of watching paint dry..._

Rei turned toward him and the corners of her mouth curved slightly.

"Laugh all you want," Shinji said lightheartedly. "But just so you know, with both of us having blue hair people are going to think we're siblings."

There was an awkward pause.

_Oh, that was smooth. Way to ruin the moment, _Shinji berated himself.

If Rei noticed his blunder, she gave no sign of it. She gracefully got her feet and headed toward the kitchen. "Follow me."

Shinji trailed after her, bemused. He said, "It is customary to preface such requests with 'please.' It's polite. I know that you know this..."

Set out on the table were two plates filled with hash browns, waffles, and buttered toast.

Rei said, "It was past the time that you normally prepare the mid-day meal. Since I was responsible for your absence, I took care of it."

"You were able to do all this just from watching me?" Shinji asked, impressed. He decided not to point out that people didn't usually eat breakfast foods for lunch. Who the heck cared about that?

"Th-thank you. This is so unexpected," he said, smiling at her.

"Everything you have done for me has been unexpected," Rei replied. "It felt... right that I should repay you in kind."

"I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything," Shinji said quickly as he sat down and took a bite of his toast.

"I realize that," Rei replied. She paused and only a slight twitch in her right hand told him that she was struggling to find the right words to say. "I wished to tell you that... all was forgiven."

Shinji's fork clattered against his plate. He turned his head away so Rei couldn't see him blink back his tears. "You have no idea how much that means to me, Ayanami. But please know that I would have done this no matter what happened."

"I know," Rei said softly.

They finished their meal in silence. Shinji was wondering what to say when he heard a knock at the door.

He opened it to see a portly man wearing a dark uniform and a tool belt standing in the hallway.

The man tipped his cap at Rei then he turned to Shinji. "A mister Ikari called for a maintenance crew two days ago. Would that be you?"

Shinji had completely forgotten about the call and it took him a few seconds for the question to register. "Yes, that's me. Thank you for coming."

"No problem, sir. My men are down in the truck and should be up in a few moments. We're going to get this place back in top condition. You should be able to come back in a couple hours."

"Come back? We have to leave?" Shinji asked, alarmed.

"Regulations. No offense, but this building is practically condemned. It's a sure bet that the wiring's not up to code and there are plenty of other things we probably have to fix once we see them."

"But..."

"Don't worry about the price, sir. You guys did a great job protecting this city and well, it's probably not politically correct to say this, but you guys kept us in business." The laborer winked at him.

"Now, I'm not allowed to do the job completely for free, but I guarantee that you'll be receiving one hell of a discount. Pardon my language, miss."

Without even waiting for a reply, the man tipped his cap again and disappeared down the hallway.

Shinji and Rei just stared at the doorway.

"That man was certainly... loud," Rei commented

Shinji shrugged. "I think he was American."

Then his face turned grim. "I think I'll have to tell them to come back another day. You're still recovering and I don't think that you should be walking around the city."

"I am stronger than I look. A brief outing will not adversely affect me," Rei said.

Shinji suddenly hit himself on the side of the head. "I'm such an idiot. We could just stay in my apartment until they're finished."

Rei shook her head. "It seems logical to assume that if my apartment must be repaired then yours must be also."

Shinji's shoulders slumped at her reasoning.

"I also wish to go outside."

"Why?" Shinji asked.

"You are... restless. You are not accustomed to staying inside for prolonged periods. It would be good for both of us."

He stared at her in surprise then he smiled broadly. "Anyone who thinks that you are not caring does not know what they're talking about."

Rei tilted her head down. "You embarrass me." But she seemed pleased.

Shinji took a few more minutes to settle the arrangements then he and Rei took the service elevator that the maintenance man showed them (Rei had been surprised to the existence of a working elevator in her building) down to the first floor.

They both blinked rapidly at the unfiltered sunlight that they hadn't seen in days. Shinji picked a direction and began walking with Rei alongside of him.

It was a beautiful day. Second Impact had destroyed much of the variation that used to exist in weather patterns, but differences still existed in the endless warm days. The air smelled sweet and there were enough breezes to offset the dry heat. It was the type of lazy afternoon where people sat on their front porches and sipped lemonade.

"You said I was different," Shinji said finally. "Do you think that's a good thing?"

"Do you?" Rei asked in reply.

_She'd make a good therapist, _Shinji thought wryly. _She certainly knows how to reflect._

"Yeah, I really like myself now. It's not easy, but I'm not depressed so much anymore. I may not have any control over the world, but I can control how I feel about it."

Shinji glanced at Rei out of the corner of his eye. _Controlling some emotions is easier than controlling others, of course._

"It's not easy," he repeated. "But I can't ignore the good in my life. The war is over. I have friends. I actually have a future. And I've never been able to talk to you like this before. To anyone, actually. I was too busy worrying about what other people were thinking about me and being afraid that they would think that anything I had to say was stupid. I've tried my whole life to get my father's approval, but I don't need it. I never have. I just never realized it before."

"Then you do not require my approval," Rei stated.

"No, I don't," Shinji agreed. "But I would like to know your opinion if you care to share."

The only sound coming from Rei for the next five minutes was her breathing and even that was faint and barely perceptible. Shinji waited patiently, allowing her to think.

"You smile more," she said finally. "You have always been brave, but now it shows in all your actions and not only when death approaches. You speak without hesitation. Most importantly, you are still Ikari Shinji, and that is acceptable to me."

That was probably the closest he'd get to an endorsement from her, and he took her words in that spirit.

It was a little after that Rei began to sway on her feet. As Shinji had feared, Rei was still weak and the walk had worn her out. He gently led her over to a nearby bench and they sat down.

Rei closed her eyes and then her body leaned against Shinji's for support.

Shinji's mouth suddenly felt exceedingly dry and his heart was racing, but he didn't push her away. For some reason, he didn't mind being a pillow. It felt oddly comfortable.

He ignored the glances that passing strangers gave them. His eyes were only on the slumbering girl propped up against his side. He remembered watching her for hours at a time whenever she was in the hospital for EVA-related injuries, wishing that he could just talk to her.

There was something about Rei that drew him to her. He had tried so hard to forget her in the months after the failed Third Impact. He was sure that when he saw her again, not only would he be able to talk to her, but he'd be able to treat her as nothing more than a friend.

With Rei's body molded against his side radiating warmth and causing his current lightheadedness, Shinji had to wonder at his naivety. He felt protective and compassionate of Rei, but he was feeling more than friendly feelings. Much more. He couldn't deny it any longer.

And that terrified him in a way that no Angel ever had.­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­

* * *

"Why were you afraid?" Doctor Samuels asked, leaning forward. 

Shinji squirmed around on his seat. "You know why."

"Shinji..."

"I like her!" Shinji blurted. "Is that good enough for you? I like her, okay?"

The words were out now, but he didn't feel any better.

"And this isn't a good thing?"

Shinji stared at the man in disbelief. "How can you say that? Some people would say that this is... distasteful."

Samuels sighed. "We've been over this. You're not related to her..."

"I know that!" Shinji interrupted. Then he asked hesitantly, "Are you sure, though?"

"What do you know about bioengineering? Cross-species hybridization? I don't know much about either, so I can only tell you what I've been told," Samuels replied patiently. "Creating a Rei Ayanami is not as simple as pouring human DNA and Angel DNA into a blender and pushing the start button.

"It took _years_ of carefully calibrating the gene sequences and forging out compromises in the basic incompatibilities between our two species. And despite what the late Gendo Ikari liked to think, there wasn't enough of Yui Ikari after her absorption into Unit 01 to create a viable specimen."

Samuels adjusted his glasses and stared piercingly at Shinji. "And even if a pure sample was available, it wouldn't have been enough. Angel DNA, from what I understand, is ridiculously unstable. It has what some scientists have deemed 'morphogenic' properties."

Shinji thought of the various shapeshifting Angels he had fought and he said softly, "Yeah, that makes sense."

"They had to mix in the alleles from _dozens_ of different humans because parts of your mother's genes kept disintegrating. There are about 50,000 active genes in any Angel or human and approximately 99 percentof those have allele forms in both populations. The Angel DNA would constantly destroy the alleles that existed solely in humans. Most of the research was devoted to simply keeping everything stable.

"Yui Ikari makes up an extremely small part of Rei's genetic makeup. The closest she comes to your mother is in appearance only since those are the easiest genes to manipulate and while that may interest a Freudian, there really is no cause for concern."

Samuels leaned back in his chair. He said casually, "If you insist on looking for some unforgivable sin in this, one could argue that this is more like bestiality than incest."

"Ayanami is not an animal!" Shinji practically snarled.

Samuels smiled. "As a fan of the Superman-Lois Lane relationship and Spock the Vulcan, I completely agree."

Shinji didn't recognize these names and said so.

"American fictional characters," Samuels replied with a slight grin. "They're examples of either products in alien-human relationships or they're engaged in one. You just happen to be the first nonfictional example.

"For all practical purposes, Rei Ayanami is an alien. She doesn't have the same number of chromosomes as us. That makes her an entirely different sort of being. Old standards no longer apply. And I apologize for the bestiality remark. I was just making a point."

"Your _points_ always end up raising my blood pressure," Shinji grumbled.

"I'm sure that you are relieved that you won't be engaging in any unspeakable crimes," Samuels replied. Then he smirked. "Just the regular kind that get bandied about in high school locker rooms."

"Doctor!" Shinji cried, reddening. Americans were simply too open in talking about such private matters. Well, them and Misato.

"What's really bothering you, Shinji? I know you. You're more scared of your feelings than whatever Rei might be. This isn't what was bothering you, was it? Or at least not mainly. Outrageous stories about clones, other-worldly beings, and mad scientists are simply too strange to worry about. You're here for much more mundane reasons."

"Yeah, I guess," Shinji mumbled.

Samuels waited then took mercy on the boy. He said kindly, "It's not uncommon to get crushes on co-workers."

"Like the one I had on Asuka?" Shinji asked sadly. "I still love her, but not that way. I don't want to believe that it might have just been because I was lonely but... she treated me like I was inferior. She didn't respect me and I don't think she really trusted me."

"You saw the good in her and tried to overlook her faults. There is no shame in that," Samuels said. "But it's possible that she might change after everything that's happened."

Shinji shook his head. "She has changed, but I still don't think that it would work out. Asuka's all action and I don't think I would enjoy being dragged in her wake." He laughed a little. "And I know for sure that she'd die of boredom with me as her boyfriend. We need people more our speeds."

"So you've learned something about yourself. Sometimes, that's the best thing you can get out of a failed crush. But I must ask, what does this have to do with Rei?"

Shinji shrugged, the laughter draining out of him. "I don't want this to be just another crush. This feels completely different from what I felt for Asuka. At least I like to think so. It's just that Ayanami makes me feel... When I'm around her, I want to be better than I am. I don't feel horrible and depressed. I feel like... like..."

Shinji gave a tiny grin. "I'm actually happy. I'm not slighting you, doctor, but feeling _happier_ is a little different from being _happy_."

"But..." Samuels prompted.

"Isn't this me falling for another girl I know will never like me back?"

Samuels leaned back in his recliner. "A deep question, indeed. Speaking of aliens... From what you've told me, her mental differences are just as notable as her physical ones. I can't diagnose her properly. If she was anyone else, I would be tempted to say she had a schizoid personality disorder." He spread his hands. "I just don't know, Shinji. It's possible that between her physiology and her upbringing that she may not be capable of what you want her to feel."

"That's not what I wanted to hear," Shinji replied dejectedly.

"I'm not here to tell you what you want to hear," Samuels said gently.

Shinji clenched his fist then forced his hand to relax. "You might be right about Ayanami, but I don't believe it. I've seen her angry and happy. I heard her cry before she died. She's shown me more affection than my father ever did. There is always hope. And even if this is as far as she could go, it would be enough for me. She needs me."

Samuels cocked his head. "You don't have to save that girl, Shinji. You can't save everyone."

"No one has ever accused me of having a hero complex before," Shinji said, amused.

"Your father was never around for you and despite what Rei may think he wasn't there for her either. Do you see helping her as a duty?"

"Piloting Eva was my duty. This is my choice," Shinji said. He was surprised at how comfortable he was with this decision.

"You've changed, Mr. Ikari."

"Wasn't that the point?"

"It was, indeed." Samuels held out his hand. "So I can only wish you luck in your endeavors. I hope you find what you are seeking."

Shinji took the hand and said, "I hope so too."­­­­­­­­

* * *

Author's Notes 

Hey, everyone. Sorry for the delay, but I just got back from a vacation in Las Vegas. I can't promise quicker updates since I have obligations and such, so I hope you'll stick with me.

I know I'm preaching to the choir when I talk about Rei's genetics, but I always wanted to write a scene like that and I figured Shinji needed some reassurance before he could move forward. And, I made up most of the 'pseudo-science' but I also cribbed some stuff from Robert Sawyer's Neanderthal trilogy.

This is something of a transitional chapter and things might speed up a bit. I like taking things slow, but even I can get a little impatient. I'll try to find the right pacing.

Review Replies:

Feyrbrand – Heh, my descriptions have always sucked. It's one of my major weaknesses as a writer. I'll have to work on that someday when things settle down.

As for the shallow R/S development, you do have a point, but you have to remember that these two kids are barely friends at the moment. It's rather difficult to write a deep, meaningful relationship like the ones I depict in my Harry Potter stories at their stage of involvement. Rei and Shinji have a connection, but they're still getting to know each other. Also, romance tends to take a backseat in these growth stories, so it'll be interesting to reach the point where it can evolve out of its secondary role.

God of Epyon – You're absolutely right. Shinji does have a cello. That's the problem depending sorely on memory.

Ssj-kabuto – I guess you don't have to believe that 6 months can accomplish all these changes. I do, but if you don't, you'll have to employ 'suspension of disbelief.' Keep in mind that events happen much faster in fiction than in real life. It's the compression effect.

dennisud- You'll see more of what happens to Misato and Asuka in the future. I wouldn't want to leave them out now. Thanks for reading and reviewing.


	6. Chapter 6

Shinji found Rei in the children's section of the library, which amused him greatly. The girl was more than capable of reading the works of literature found in other parts of the building, but she seemed more fascinated by the worlds of Dahl and Rowling.

It was sadly obvious that imagination was a luxury long denied to her.

"Did you find anything you wanted to check out?" he asked.

Rei got to her feet and smoothed out her skirt. "That is not necessary. The time I spent here was acceptable."

Shinji had been taking her to the library for the past few days and he wasn't sure if Rei completely understood the concept of 'borrowing' books.

It had been a long yet amazing week. The three-day weekend had turned into an entire week. Rei wasn't ready to go back to school and Shinji didn't want to leave her alone for so many hours just to go to school.

Rei asked, "Is it really possible to move objects with one's mind?"

"I don't think it's possible in real life," Shinji informed her.

This was something that pleased Shinji immensely. He was amazed how quickly she was loosening up. She asked questions more openly, she was not afraid to give her opinions, and she was a lot livelier.

For the past week, he and Rei took longer and longer walks in the mornings then they spent the day just talking. They didn't talk about anything in particular. He would talk about his life and she would ask about aspects of society that she didn't understand.

It was amazing what a little attention can do for a person. It had worked wonders on her.

"Is it wrong that I find many of these worlds more preferable than this one?"

"No, nothing's wrong with that," Shinji replied. "We can always imagine better worlds. We just have to remember that we live in this one, and it's not all bad."

"What kind of world would you like to live in?" Rei asked.

"I like to think that I'm living in a good one. It's not perfect but it's much better than I thought I would have after... everything."

Shinji couldn't help but stare at Rei's face while he talked. She really did have beautiful eyes. He wondered if he should tell her.

He had struggled with his feelings all week. That hour he spent on the city bench feeling a warm body pressed against his was the most exhilarating thing he had ever felt in his life. He probably would have mindlessly run away though if that same body hadn't been pinning him down. Old impulses died hard.

He had crushes before, the most recent one being Asuka, so he had some experience in not making a complete idiot of himself, but it had still been a week of torture.

Every soft look and casual touch she gave him gave him butterflies in his stomach. It was terrifying, but extremely pleasant too. He couldn't bring himself to tell her about the concept of personal space.

Doctor Samuels hadn't been able to pencil him down so soon after his last session so he simply had to deal with it. The wait gave him time to think.

"Would you like to get some ice cream?" Shinji asked impulsively. He was aware that he was basically asking the girl out. He waited for her to ask him about this change in routine.

But Rei surprised him. She actually stumbled for a few steps then she said, "Yes... please."

_She's learning very quickly_, Shinji thought with pride.

They found an ice cream shop on the next corner and entered. Rei gazed over the menu then looked to Shinji in askance.

Shinji suddenly realized that his knowledge of ice cream flavors was practically nonexistent. Misato used to always bring home a carton of root-beer flavored ice cream that only she would eat. He himself hadn't had time for such frivolities in a long time.

The store employee saw their dilemma and offered them free samples.

That turned out to be a bad idea since Rei saw no problem with going through all 50 flavors. Shinji felt like his face would spontaneously combust with embarrassment as he watched the employee grow annoyed.

Rei didn't seem to notice as she slowly and methodically rolled the tiny spoonfuls around in her mouth as if she was analyzing each portion.

She would occasionally glance at Shinji who had stopped after the 10th free sample and was now doing his deep breathing exercises.

The last flavor was finally sampled and the cashier asked tersely, "So what can I get you?"

Rei replied, "I believe that I have had enough ice cream. Thank you." She turned and left the store.

Stuttering an apology, Shinji slapped down some money and just about ran out.

_At least she's learned to give polite responses._

Though his heart was beating like crazy, Shinji found that he was smiling. There was something refreshing about being with someone who was ignorant of all social niceties and wasn't bothered by it. Of course, if she kept this type of behavior up, then he would probably have a heart attack.

He was still learning to not sweat the small stuff.

Rei glanced at him and said, "Ikari, you were acting strangely back there."

Shinji couldn't help it. He laughed.

Rei's eyes narrowed slightly. She said, "Have I made an error of some kind?"

Shinji stopped laughing. Rei tended to be sensitive to what she called 'failings' in social interaction. She had learned his social scripts in much the same way she learned NERV procedures. She had the steps down, but not necessarily the meaning behind them.

"You didn't really do anything wrong technically," Shinji hastily reassured her. "He did offer you free samples and didn't put a limit on how many you could have. But you have to see it from his point of view. He used up a lot of his time and didn't even get any profit for his trouble."

"Business is inherently risky, is it not? Much time and effort is spent trying to persuade consumers to buy their wares with no guarantee of success. Surely he must know this," Rei said with some confusion.

Shinji chuckled. "I'm sure he does. It's just that... how do I put this?"

"This is another unstated social rule," Rei said, her voice rising a little. "I do not know if I will ever be able to learn all of them."

"You can do anything you want," Shinji insisted. "It'll just take you some time to catch up. You have to be patient."

They stopped at a corner and waited for the light to change.

"Do you truly believe that I can ever be like them?" Rei asked, staring at the people walking past them.

Shinji had the feeling that this wasn't the question she was really asking. For someone who disliked subtext so much, she was certainly as talented as any woman he had ever known.

"I believe that you can, but you don't have to be. There's room for all kinds of people in this world. I like you just the way you are."

Rei looked at him and Shinji wanted to slap himself. Could he be any more obvious?

Fortunately or maybe unfortunately, Rei didn't seem to notice that he had said anything strange. She asked, "Didn't you change who you were?"

Shinji shrugged. "That's because I didn't like who I was. Do you like who you are?"

"Yes and no," Rei said slowly. "There is much in the world that is frivolous that I see no reason to embrace, but there is also much I wish to learn more about."

The two teenagers made their way back to the apartment. The living area was drastically different from the way it used to look. The floor was carpeted now, the old dingy mattress had been replaced by a queen-sized one, and there was now a couch and even a small television that Rei had taken to watching intently.

Due to her sheltered existence, Rei didn't have much of a sense of what was and wasn't possible, so many of the questions had to do with whether certain special effects were indicative of reality.

After having fought a war in a giant robot and with space-age weapons and currently being best friends with a genetically engineered girl, he realized that television reality was no longer that absurd. That thought was a little depressing.

There was a knock at the door.

"Who could that be?" Shinji asked no one in particular, getting up. He opened the door to find Misato standing on the other side.

"Shinji!" the purple-haired woman cried, pulling him to her in a crushing hug.

"Mi-misato!" Shinji stuttered. He struggled to compose himself. He hated surprises. They caused him to automatically revert to type.

Rei stepped out from behind him and said politely, "Welcome to my home, Captain Katsuragi. Please come in."

"Uh, thank you, Rei," Misato said. The surprise that grew on her face once she came inside indicated to Shinji that she had been here before. He didn't know how he felt about that. How could anyone see the conditions that Rei had to live in and just leave her like that?

"I will be back shortly with some tea," Rei said before leaving for the kitchen.

Misato looked in askance at Shinji.

"She's full of surprises," Shinji said proudly. "Who knew that television could be a teaching tool?"

Misato sat at the table near the back of the room. "Shinji, the school called me and said that you haven't shown up in more than a week. I thought I would stop by and see what was going on."

Before Shinji could reply, Rei's voice reached out from the kitchen. "He was taking care of me. I expect that I will be returning to school with him soon, and you will no longer have to worry."

The tension in her voice was actually audible. Shinji stared in her direction in surprise.

Misato glanced at Shinji curiously. "So what have you two lovebirds been up to?"

"This and that," Rei replied, walking into the room bearing a tea tray. She then looked over at Shinji to confirm that she had the phrase correct.

Shinji struggled not to smile.

He said, "I've been helping her remodel, taking her around the city, teaching her card games. Things like that."

"I'm sure she has one heck of a poker face," Misato teased gently as she accepted a cup of steaming tea from Rei. "Thank you."

"I hope that you're okay," Shinji said.

Misato waved a hand. "It's a little lonely around the apartment but nothing I can't handle. I did live by myself for years, you know." She gave Shinji a pointed look. "So it wasn't necessary for you to have Touji and Kensuke come by every day to check on me."

"Would you believe that it was their idea?" Shinji asked.

Misato rolled her eyes. "Whatever. I guess a thank you is in order though I would have preferred hearing from you." She smirked. "What, now that you've moved out of mom's house, you can't bother to call her?"

Shinji grew crimson. "I would have called you, but there's no cell coverage out here and we're still waiting to get the phone lines fixed."

"Why, Shinji, it sounds like that you've practically moved in," Misato replied with a knowing smile.

Before Shinji could form a comeback, Rei said, "Ikari lives next door, Captain." Then she said thoughtfully, "But he does spend most of his time over here."

"I see," Misato said, and it sounded like she really did.

"She has a television!" Shinji sputtered desperately.

Misato burst out laughing and Shinji growled. He said, "I hope you know that you're setting me back a few months!"

Rei simply stared at them then she tilted her head slightly. "Am I correct in presuming that you are insinuating that Ikari's relationship with me is of a romantic nature, Captain?"

Shinji choked on his tea.

"You bet I am!" Misato cried, giggling. "Please call me Misato."

Rei simply nodded.

"That was a very funny joke," Shinji said as calmly as he could. He gave Misato a pleading look.

Misato winked at him then turned to Rei. "So tell me how your new life is going."

Shinji leaned back and watched a sight that he never thought he would live to see. Misato and Rei having a genuine conversation. It was a very enjoyable experience.

Then he realized something. Misato was acting like her old, cheerful self. He had been having so much fun that he hadn't realized that he hadn't seen this side of her in a long time. His first impulse was to ask if she was drinking again, but he squashed it quickly.

His brain went to work. Misato was acting mischievously happy and not like she was plastered or even buzzed. He hadn't smelled any alcohol when he was hugging her and she wasn't wearing any scents that indicated she was hiding anything. His friends would have come by if something was going on. Also, why would she come see him if she had fallen off the wagon?

Part of Shinji felt guilty that he had to rule out the possibility of his guardian doing something wrong, but his more pragmatic side told him he was being reasonable so he should stop worrying about it. But he still wanted to know what was going on.

"Misato, why are you here?" Shinji asked without thinking.

Misato broke off her story about Shinji's first meeting with Pen-pen and turned toward him. Her smile faded a little. "I was wondering how to lead into this. I did want to talk to you about missing school, but I'm here for another reason."

Rei silently stood up to leave, but Misato gestured for her to stay. She shifted in her seat then said, "No, you should hear this as well. I had plenty of time to think about what you said, about memories. Ritsuko spent her life ruled by the memories of someone long gone. So did your father. And Asuka. And so have I."

Misato leaned forward so she could look Shinji in the eye. "You've grown so much, Shinji. You're not wallowing in self-pity. You're out helping people while I've been stuck in a rut. Did you know that Suzuhara volunteers at the hospital to help patients with their physical therapy?"

"Yeah, his sister told me about it when I visited once," Shinji replied, surprised at the change of subject.

"You have good friends. Even that Horaki girl came by a few times to see how I was doing. That's what I should have been doing, you know. That's why I joined NERV in the first place.

"I fought the Angels to avenge my father, that's true, but vengeance can only get you so far. I fought to protect those who couldn't defend themselves and make sure no other child lost her father."

Her eyes glistened. "In the end, I also fought for you. I fought so you could have a chance to be happy. I think I want to give other people that chance. I'm not cut out for a desk job. I never should have stopped doing what I've always done, trying to save the world."

"Where are you going?" Shinji asked hoarsely.

"I signed up with the Peace Corps. The war may be over, but the effects of Second Impact are going to be around for a long time to come. I already got leave of absence from work. Told them I needed some time to clear my head. You wouldn't believe how much vacation time I have stored up. I'm leaving in a few hours."

"So soon?" Shinji asked, shocked.

"I've always been the impulsive type. I know it seems unfair that I'm leaving just after I got my epiphany, but... I need some time to reinvent myself and I don't want you to see me until I've done that. You can understand that, right?"

Shinji, in fact, understood this need better than anyone. "Yeah, I understand. I hope you find what you're looking for."

Misato reached over and took Shinji's hand. She said softly, "I was going to ask you to come with me, but I realized that you don't need to find yourself. I think you're getting everything that you've ever wanted. I'm very proud of you."

Those words meant more to him than any meaningless compliments his father had ever given him. He swallowed the lump in his throat then asked, "Are you coming back?"

Misato ruffled his hair affectionately. "Of course I will. I just need to forget a lot of things. I don't want to be stuck in the past." She suddenly looked worried. "Do you think I'm running away?"

Shinji shook his head. "I know running away. It's about trying to leave but never truly escaping what you're trying to leave behind. You're trying to go somewhere, so you can come back wiser and better."

"Whoa, that's pretty deep there, Shinji."

Shinji's ears turned red. "Well, I got that off of one of Ayanami's shows."

Misato laughed. She said, "Thank you for that. Be sure to expect lots of annoying phone calls and postcards from me."

"I'll count on it."

Misato winked at Rei. "Take care of him for me."

Rei nodded seriously.

Shinji waited until Misato was gone before he slumped against the couch, exhausted. He understood what Misato was doing and he was glad that she was actively trying to push forward, but he was really going to miss her.

Without a word, Rei wrapped her arms around him.

It was some time before Rei said hesitantly, "I was afraid that Misato came to take you away. Is it wrong that I am glad that she did not?"

Shinji had to smile at that. "No, it's not." With only a brief pause, he leaned his head on Rei's shoulder. "Would you have missed me?"

"I have nothing else," Rei replied simply.

"You're shaking," Shinji observed with concern.

"I do not know why. You are here. You are not leaving, but my body is reacting as if you were. I do not understand it," Rei said, her voice barely holding steady.

"That happens sometimes," Shinji said. "Fear doesn't always follow reality."

"It hurts. I don't like this feeling. Please make it go away," Rei pleaded.

Shinji hugged her back tightly without even thinking about it.

"I have never asked for anything before. Please do not leave me." Rei sounded so much like a small child then. Later, Shinji would realize the importance of this moment for Rei's emotional development, but for now he just wanted her to be content again.

"I won't," he said softly. He knew then, without any doubt in his mind, that he never would.

* * *

To all readers - College is starting up for me soon as well as the season for law school applications, and while I will try my best to satisfy your fanfic hunger with this story and others, I make no guarantees. I thank all of you that have made it this far and hope to hear from you in the future. 

Review Replies:

Odjin - Thanks for reviewing and you're right. I'm just a verbose guy and I always err on the side of caution when assuming how much a reader knows about a particular subject. And I agree that Rei would be sterile, but that's beside the point which was about Shinji's feelings. By the way, Spock wouldn't be impotent in the Star Trek universe where wacky biology rules.

rgreat - No, Samuels is not a self-insert. He's just an objective voice of reason while I am... wait a minute...

jennyjennai – I agree that Shinji/Rei is not an easy pairing by any means to write, but it really is a satisfying one when it is done well.


	7. Chapter 7

Shinji really hoped that this would go well. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but then that was how all bad ideas started out.

"What is _she_ doing here?" Asuka asked flatly. She didn't sound angry, but she was obviously not overjoyed either.

Rei stared with disinterest at the redhead sitting on the hospital bed then glanced at Shinji with a look that clearly asked if they could go now.

With a glare from one side and a penetrating stare from the other, Shinji began to sweat. He felt the intense urge to apologize. Rationally, he realized that he had nothing for which to apologize since he hadn't done anything wrong. He fought down his mounting anxiety by quickly visualizing a calm lake and imagining his apprehension being washed away by the waves.

"Asuka, I told you that we were coming two weeks ago," Shinji finally replied.

"But why?" Asuka asked with what seemed like genuine confusion.

"Why do I need a reason?" Shinji asked with some frustration. "You and Ayanami are both my friends and all of us were pilots. I would think that we'd be able to get along."

"You know what I've said about you thinking," Asuka said coolly. "Isn't that what the First is for?"

Shinji gave her a look of mild hurt. "Why are you acting like this?"

Asuka squirmed a little. She had the grace to look embarrassed. "Sorry, I knew you guys were coming today, but having it actually happen..." She waved her hand vaguely. "I just started treating you like I used to when we were all last together."

"You mean sarcastic and bitter?" Shinji asked dryly.

"Exactly," Asuka replied with a half-grin. Then she turned to the other girl. "And, no offense, Rei, but I was never your biggest fan. And I am surprised to see you. You disappeared from the face of the earth. A while back I thought you had died." Her tone revealed that she was only partly joking.

"The rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated," Rei replied.

Asuka's eyes widened comically.

"You told a joke!" she cried, pointing at Rei like she was a suspect in a murder mystery.

"I told you to keep an open mind," Shinji replied, looking at Rei fondly.

"Hmm," Asuka said in a noncommittal tone, but she visibly relaxed. "I guess nothing really does stay the same."

Asuka lied down on her side and propped her head up on her elbow. "So what have you guys been up to? I don't get much news here in the nuthouse. And Shinji, get that frown off your face. I can call this place whatever I want."

_Delightfully impertinent as always,_ Shinji thought. It was strange, but he was glad that even with all the changes she had gone through she had kept her caustic sense of humor. She just wouldn't be her without it.

The time was soon coming when Asuka would be released from the hospital, and she was understandably concerned about fitting into a world she hadn't seen in months. There was also the problem of whom she would stay with. Ryoji Kaji had been her guardian and now that he was gone Asuka had no one to look after her. Misato had offered her guardianship, but Asuka didn't even know if she was going to stay in Japan.

Shinji knew how bad loneliness could be and he wanted to show her that she had friends she could depend upon. He didn't expect Rei and Asuka to be best buddies, of course. Even when he lived in his shell, he couldn't miss the animosity that had existed between the First and Second Child. Well, he wasn't actually sure how Rei felt about the Second, but Asuka's feelings had always been obvious.

But a part of him still hoped that they could all start over. He'd done that with both Asuka and Rei. Perhaps they could do it with each other. The Rei Ayanami that Asuka despised so much was not the same girl that sat here today. Or at least that was how he saw it.

"Did Misato come by to tell you she was leaving?" Shinji asked, thinking that this was probably the best way to lead into things.

"Yeah, I think it'll be good for her. I know that I'd like to see some place other than the lounge," Asuka replied with a deep sigh.

"If you weren't here, you'd just have to be in school with everyone else," Shinji said. "Ayanami and I went back a few days after Misato left..."

Rei obviously had some concerns about going back to school. She wanted to do some social experimentation, and this put Shinji in a little bit of a bind. He had learned how to deal with people coming up to him to talk, but he hadn't actually tried developing new friendships.

He wasn't in any hurry to do so since he had his hands full with the friends he already had, but the only friend that Rei had was him, so he was willing to try for her sake. But he really didn't want to expose her to odd stares either. If people reacted strangely to his actually making eye contact when looked at, how would they act around Rei if she started talking to them?

That was why Shinji decided that it would be easier if she tried talking to his friends. They were nice people and they could understand the world he came from better than anyone else since they all had connections to the EVA program.

The class had erupted into a minor flurry at their entrance and Shinji was sure several rumors about their involvement would start spreading around the school shortly. He ignored the constant stream of emails asking for elaboration. From long experience, he knew that they'd move onto the next big thing soon enough.

He wasn't surprised at the attention though. A few weeks ago, Rei came to school looking like a refugee from a war-torn country, but now, her hair was neatly trimmed (Shinji got her a decent haircut after he discovered that she kept her hair short with scissors), her uniform was neatly pressed, and most telling of all, Shinji had decided to sit in back with Rei to keep her company.

He knew the effect of the two of them coming back from a hiatus was having on the other students and it disturbed him a little. He didn't want them thinking and Rei and him were an item if they really weren't one, but he wasn't going to leave her at the mercy of the gossip-starved mob either.

Rei began to look strained from all the attention, so it was fortunate when class began and everyone settled down.

Shinji accessed the instant messaging system and as he expected, Touji and Kensuke were trying to contact him.

**RoboPilot: hey man welcome back. i was thinking misato stuffed you in her bag and ran off with ya.**

**Shin-man: Ha ha. Thanks a lot for looking after Misato while I was gone by the way.**

**RoboPilot: no prob. i'm always up for a little babysitting wink, wink**

_**ClassRepHH entering chat room**_

**ClassRepHH: Touji! Don't be so crude. Oh, welcome back, Shinji.**

**RoboPilot: hey, it's double h!**

**ClassRepHH: I told you not to call me that! blushes**

**OtakuFan: gags they've been like that since u left. U think you can help me with the lovebirds?**

**Shin-man: I'd love to, but I'm a little busy these days.**

**OtakuFan: Gotcha. So u and Ayanami together?**

**Shin-man: Kensuke, you know better than to listen to rumors.**

**OtakuFan: chuckles Real smooth. What happened to the Shinji that lit up like a x-mas tree?**

**RoboPilot: i dont believe this! u live next to a cutie like that and u ain't done anything? i know i would!**

**ClassRepHH: Uh, hello? Girlfriend right here.**

**RoboPilot: u know i luv ya. blows kiss**

**ClassRepHH: blows kiss back**

**OtakuFan: Truly sickening. But I gotta agree with the T-man here. Ayanami's a little creepy, but she's definitely a looker.**

_**AyanamiR entering chat room**_

**AyanamiR: I did not realize that I was a subject of male sexual desire. This is most intriguing.**

**OtakuFan: uh...**

Shinji tried to contain his snickering. He had entered Rei's name into the list of people that could enter into his private chat sessions the minute he sat down, and he'd been wondering when she would join in. She evidently wanted to try out her new knowledge of dramatic entrances.

**ClassRepHH: Ayanami? Wow, fancy seeing you here. Sorry about these idiots.**

**AyanamiR: There is no need to apologize. It is well-known that male adolescents lack the cranial capacity to think before speaking.**

"Hey!" Touji and Kensuke chorused. The teacher glared at the two then scolded them for interrupting the class.

**AyanamiR: I think that my point has been proven.**

**ClassRepHH: LOL! I never knew you could be so funny.**

**AyanamiR: Thank you very much. I am here all week.**

Asuka stared at Shinji and Rei in obvious disbelief. She finally found her voice and said, "Hikari told me about that. I didn't believe it."

Shinji shrugged. "This is partly my fault. I told Rei one of the purposes of humor was to create bonds between people. I think we rented out half the comedy section at the video store after that."

"You can't just _learn_ a sense of humor," Asuka protested. "And if you could, it'd take more time than this!"

"Time is an illusion," Rei quoted. "Lunchtime, doubly so."

Asuka scooted backwards and shivered in mock fright. "Okay, am I high on something or is she?"

Shinji rolled his eyes. _I'm surrounded by comedians._

He relaxed a little. If Asuka was willing to clown around with Rei here then her animosity wasn't as deep-rooted as he thought. In response to her earlier question, he said, "Rei's just a fast learner. She's been making outrageous comments all week. She thought doing something completely out of character would be a good way to break the ice with people. And it's worked. People are much more relaxed around her."

He acted like this sort of thing happened every day, but internally he was just as surprised as Asuka was. He had watched Rei intensely read dozens of books and watch just as many movies, but he hadn't expected that she'd be able to use that knowledge so quickly.

It took him some time to realize that Rei was a fast learner because she had no fears or preconceptions to trip her up. Shinji had to overcome many mental obstacles to get to where he was, but Rei was very much the blank slate.

All she ever needed was a reason to start living and now that she had one she was rocketing forward. Rei may have been quiet, but she was not shy. She was merely lacking in knowledge and she was quickly making up for that lack.

The problem was that while she understood comic timing and what subjects people considered humorous she didn't really understand _why_ something was funny. That was something that couldn't be learned out of a book. She understood humor in much the same way that a mechanic understood machinery. Certain stimuli would evoke certain responses.

That was one of the reasons she was so fond of quotations. People almost always reacted favorably to familiar sayings and Shinji could tell that Rei enjoyed connecting to others through the tenets of popular culture. So while she may not truly have a sense of humor (though he suspected that would come with time), she was able to mimic one with remarkable ease. She had understood immediately that her emotionless features and deadpan voice was perfect for dry, observational humor and had taken every advantage of that fact.

"You actually like having people talk to you about stupid stuff?" Asuka asked Rei skeptically.

Rei tilted her head in thought. Shinji had yet to tell her of this habit of hers in fear that she would stop doing it. She replied, "Yes and no. I still do not like having my time wasted, but I am not usually disturbed when I am doing anything of importance, and it is... pleasing to know that one is... appreciated."

She suddenly looked pensive and Shinji knew better than to bother her when she was thinking deeply.

Shinji motioned for Asuka to join him in the hall. She complained that she shouldn't be kicked out of her own room, but it was in a good-natured way.

"I just wanted to ask how you were doing," Shinji said when the two had sat down in the chairs in front of the room.

Asuka's smile faded. "I get asked that enough by the shrinks. Do you really have to ask too?"

"I'm asking as your friend," Shinji replied gently.

Asuka ran a hand through her hair and gave a frustrated sigh. "I don't know. I mean, yeah, I don't have nightmares much anymore and I'm not a suicidal mess. But... sometimes, I don't feel like myself. I don't _want _to be a rampaging psycho, but if I'm not feeling angry then I feel weird. Like I'm someone else. Does that make any sense?"

It made perfect sense to Shinji. He knew the feeling she was talking about. He would catch himself feeling happy and think that he wasn't acting like he should. Shinji Ikari didn't take risks, he didn't face his problems, and he certainly didn't feel good about himself.

He told Rei that he liked who he was now and that he wouldn't go back. That was true, but that didn't mean that he didn't miss the old him. That Shinji was comfortable and familiar like an old shoe. He may have been cut off from others, but that also meant that nothing was demanded of him. Living was hard work and sometimes it was more than he could handle.

But he wouldn't go back.

"People change, but they never change completely," Shinji replied to Asuka. "We're showing parts of ourselves that we didn't use much before, but those parts have always been there. So we're different but we're not at the same time. The person that you are now, did someone force you to become her?"

"Of course not," Asuka said.

"Then it was your choice. It was always your choice. And you're always you."

"You've been reading too much pop psychology, Ikari," Asuka said with a slight grin. She stood up and made a show of brushing herself off. "I suppose if two freaks like us have become fit for society, Rei can too. I guess I should talk to her. Now, scram, Shinji. I have to do some girl talk with Wondergirl. And Hikari had better already taught her what that is or this is going to be a _long_ talk."

Shinji watched, amused, as the former Second Child disappear into her room. He got up and decided to go for a walk around the floor.

Asuka truly hadn't changed that much, in his opinion. Before the Fifteenth Angel, she had almost been a normal girl. Perhaps she was too obsessed with being the best, a little too callous of other people's feelings, and filled with more than an average teenager's share of sorrow and self-loathing, but compared to Shinji and Rei, she was startlingly and almost uncomfortably regular.

Now she was even more so. Her hard edges had softened and she seemed like a genuinely carefree girl rather than the unconvincing façade of one she had worn for so long. Asuka was becoming the woman she would have become if it hadn't been for the Eva program.

_And what about me?_ Shinji wondered. Who would he have become if his mother hadn't died and his father hadn't abandoned him? The question was pointless though. Asuka may have been the type of person who would have been the same in any circumstance. Adversity may have made her bitter, but it had also made her stronger.

Shinji and Rei, on the other hand, were potential people. They could have turned out almost any way if only they hadn't withdrawn from the world. This was because their personalities were simply more... malleable.

Shinji frowned at the thought. It wasn't a very flattering description. His father had undoubtedly taken advantage of his flexibility, or 'spinelessness' as Asuka would put it. There was a flip side, of course. He had lost everything and he'd had his world shattered more than once, but even in the midst of his worst depression, he had adapted. Somehow he had adapted.

Asuka had broken.

That type of thinking made him uncomfortable, so he looked at where he was. To his surprise, he had gone full circle and ended up back where he started.

He heard Asuka say, "I'm a little jealous. You get the Shinji that has a backbone. I spent months trying to get the idiot to stand up for himself and all he had to do was see a shrink."

Shinji smirked. He had the sneaking suspicion that 'baka' was Asuka's nickname for him.

He knew he shouldn't be listening in the hallway like this, but he wasn't a saint and who wouldn't want to hear about themselves?

"So tell me the truth," Asuka said. "How much of this Makeover for Dolls thing you're doing is to make Shinji happy?

"I do not understand what you mean," Rei replied.

Asuka gave her an amused look. "Haven't learned to use contractions yet, huh?"

"I prefer to talk this way," Rei said with only a hint of an edge that Shinji could detect.

This subtlety was lost on Asuka who merely waved her hand and said, "Fair enough. Anyway, I'm not trying to be mean here but... you were the way you were because you wanted to please that bastard Gendo Ikari. You had no friends nor did anything fun because that wasn't what he wanted. So the big, bad Commander dies and Shinji comes along. Need I go on?"

"No, I understand the insinuation," Rei replied. "And it is not entirely without merit."

A minute passed.

"Well?"

"I do not see why I should tell you my private thoughts," Rei said.

Asuka sighed loudly. "Look, I care about the doofus, okay? You pried it out of me. Happy? He's doing so much better now, but he could still fall down. Shinji deserves to know if you see him as just a substitute for his ogre of a father."

Most people would bristle at the accusation that they might possibly be the downfall of one of their friends, but Rei took the question in stride.

In the hallway, Shinji found himself holding his breath as he waited for her answer.

Slowly, Rei replied, "In the beginning, I merely wanted to satisfy the only person left that I had a connection with. Ikari wanted me to be more open and human and I did my best to meet those goals. It was a challenge that served to distract me from my repetitive and pointless existence.

"So to answer your question, yes, I did do it for him. But gradually, I reached a point where I was also doing it for myself. I had changed almost without being consciously aware it was happening."

Rei suddenly gave Asuka a harsh look. "There was never any point where I saw Ikari as anyone other than who he was. He was not a substitute."

"Damn," Asuka breathed, leaning back. "I guess that means you're staying around after all." But she was smiling.

The smile faded when Asuka noticed Rei staring piercingly at her. She asked, "What are you staring at?"

"I find it surprising that you can so easily claim that you care about Ikari," Rei replied.

"We were always friends!" Asuka snapped.

Rei stared at her with obvious curiosity. "You have always cared about him? Even when he was 'wimpy'?"

"Never do the finger quote thing again," Asuka said with a mock shudder. "And yes, I did. I just wanted him to stand up for himself more."

Rei hesitated then she said, "It was my observation that while you were disgusted with him for withdrawing from life, you never hesitated to smack him down when he got too confident. It seemed that you did not know what you wanted."

Shinji was afraid that Asuka would erupt into a rage, but the redhead laughed instead. Asuka stared at Rei with a look of genuine amusement. "You're a lot more fun this way, wonder girl. Okay, you got my number. I was a grade-A bitch. You want to know why I treated Shinji like that?

"Because I liked the twerp. And I hated that fact with every fiber of my being. I didn't need anyone and certainly not a weakling like him. I especially hated when he wasn't weak because that just made me like him more. So, to make a short story long, I was seriously screwed up."

"What do you think of Ikari now?" Rei asked.

Shinji couldn't be certain, but he thought Rei's voice had cracked for a brief second.

Asuka shrugged. "I can admit that that Shinji's a little attractive now that he's stopped jumping at the sight of his own shadow and being so pathetic. But you know why it would never work? He's dull. I don't mean that in a bad way, but it's true. Okay, what is it you two do together outside of school?"

Rei replied, "We go to the library, we watch movies, we play card games-"

"Snoozeville. My point exactly."

Rei thought this over. "So I am dull?"

"Yeah, but it suits you," Asuka teased. "Just like how being a loud, arrogant egomaniac suits me."

"Truer words have never been spoken," Rei replied with a perfectly straight face.

"Ha, ha. You're a riot." Asuka suddenly leaned forward in a conspiratorial manner. She asked, "So, have you kissed him yet?"

Rei actually looked taken back. "What?"

Asuka looked pleased with herself. "I kissed him once. Oh, don't worry, it was quite disappointing. No sparks. I was even holding his nose shut. You'd think that'd get some passion out of the guy."

If Rei was perturbed by this information, she didn't show it. She merely asked, "What are sparks?"

"What, you haven't read any romance novels?" Asuka asked, sounding surprised.

Okay, this was too much. Shinji barged in, not caring if Asuka realized that he'd been listening.

"Ayanami, we have to leave soon if we want to catch our train. I hope I'm not interrupting anything, Asuka," Shinji said quickly.

Asuka gave him an amused glance, simultaneously telling him that he wasn't fooling anybody and that they'd be having words about his indiscretion later.

Shinji inwardly shuddered.

Asuka turned her gaze to Rei. She said, "We were about finished here, anyway. Talking to you was actually kinda interesting."

"Indeed. This conversation was... enlightening," Rei replied. Then she added, "I look forward to having more such talks in the future."

And with that surprising statement, she left the room.

"She's rather full of surprises, isn't she?" Asuka said thoughtfully.

"You have no idea," Shinji sighed. Then remembering his audience, he shifted his weight uncomfortably. "I better go catch up with her before she takes the train without me."

He had barely taken two steps toward the door when Asuka asked, "So are you going to tell her you like her?"

Shinji leaned his forehead against the door frame. "You don't know as much as you think you do, Asuka."

"As long as I know more than you, I'm okay with that," Asuka replied jokingly. "Stop changing the subject."

Shinji gave in. "I'm not saying anything until she understands enough to make her own decision. It wouldn't be fair to her."

"You're underestimating her. And may I add covering up your spinelessness with rationality?"

Shinji stared at her.

Asuka shrugged. "I _do _have a college degree, you know. And you're not the only one who picks up stuff in psych sessions."

Shinji chuckled. "I never thought I would see the day that the great Asuka Langley Sohyru would actually tell me to go after the First Child."

He instantly regretted his words when he saw Asuka's face go blank and her eyes grow haunted.

"Yeah, I never thought I'd see a lot of things either," Asuka said softly.

"Asuka..."

Asuka closed her eyes for a moment then opened them again. She gave Shinji a wan smile. "Didn't mean to space out. Just a bad memory. You know how it is."

"Is there anything-"

"No, I'm fine, really. I'm not just posturing. Flashbacks suck, but I can deal with it," Asuka said firmly. She hesitated then said, "But thanks for the concern."

Shinji left a little trouble but realizing that for the moment, his presence would be more hindrance than help. Asuka was the type of person who would rather suffer a dozen injuries than let herself be seen in pain. She was learning to ask for help when she really needed it, but she still preferred to handle things herself.

And as much as he worried about her, he would never want her to change such an integral part of herself. This was the nature of his thoughts as he neared the train station.

"Sohyru appears to be doing well."

Shinji looked to his right where Rei had somehow materialized. He grinned slightly at her, used to this type of behavior. "She really is. It wasn't that long ago that she couldn't stand new visitors of any kind. I'm glad that she was able to get along with you."

"It was a surprise for me as well," Rei replied. "Thank you, Ikari-kun."

"For what?" Shinji asked.

"For reminding me that there is no point in dwelling on the past. Sohyru is different. _I_ am different."

She certainly was, and Shinji couldn't be happier about it. But he couldn't help but worry a little as well. Her growth was too fast and too sudden even for someone as unique as her. Was she emotionally mature enough to meet the obstacles that would come her way?

Rei was no stranger to the darker side of humanity, but his visit with Asuka reminded him that even the strongest of people could sometimes fall.

It was inevitable that Rei would be hurt by someone or something. He wouldn't always be able to be there for her and he wished that wasn't so, but life, as it was so often said, wasn't fair.

But he'd be damned if that stopped him from trying.

* * *

Date finished: 10/31/2005 – Happy Halloween! 


	8. Chapter 8

Rei was missing.

Shinji hacked up another glob of mucus and thought miserably of his comfortable bed back at his apartment. But it had been staying home from school that got him in this mess in the first place.

He had spent the weekend with a horrible fever and a longing for oblivion, or at least for the room to stop spinning. Rei had taken care of him as best she could, and while most guys would have enjoyed having a pretty girl play nursemaid for them, Shinji had been too sick to even enjoy that prospect.

When Monday came around, Rei had offered to skip school to take care of him, and he'd been sorely tempted to accept, but in the end, he sent her off. He wanted her to learn to be more independent and not rely on him as a crutch, and this seemed like a good opportunity for that.

Shinji wanted to kick himself now. Rei was nowhere ready to take on the world by herself. She may have been one of the strongest people he knew, but she was still very much a work in progress.

When he finally realized that she was much too late coming back to have been held up by traffic, he panicked. He called everybody he knew as well as the school and the hospitals. Thoughts of Rei being mugged or worse wracked his nerves.

It had been a long and sleepless night for him.

In the morning, he finally broke down and called the police only to be told that a person had to be missing for 24 hours before action could be taken. There were simply too many people coming in and out of Tokyo-3 as it was being rebuilt for their limited resources to cope with.

Shinji did not want to hear about how most missing teenagers usually turned up within a day. Burdened down with sickness, sleeplessness, and worry, Shinji uncharacteristically cursed the officer, the police department, and humanity in general.

As much as he had wanted to follow his first impulse and run around the city looking for her, he knew that was pointless. He was in no condition for an extended search and the truant officers would probably pick him up in no time.

But he had to do _something_. So he struggled out of bed and went to school. It was a long shot, but maybe he could find a clue about what happened to Rei. If she hadn't gotten in an accident or been kidnapped, then the only explanation was that she ran away. God help the person who drove her away.

Even if it was him.

He couldn't pay any attention to his teachers. He instant messaged everyone in the class asking if they had any information about Rei. Shinji knew he was acting like a maniac, but he didn't give a damn.

A blinking light on his taskbar alerted him that Touji had replied. Shinji eagerly clicked on the icon only to see his screen black out.

"Mister Ikari, the classroom computers are not to be used for frivolous communication during class time," the sensei said, taking his finger off the power button.

Shinji was furious with himself. The teacher didn't care if the students communicated with each other as long as they weren't obvious about it, and he'd might as well had sent off a signal flare with all his commotion. Throwing aside all caution and sense, he was going to scream at the teacher that this was a matter of life and death when he was suddenly overcome with a coughing fit.

"Sensei, permission take Shinji to see the nurse?" Touji quickly asked.

The teacher looked annoyed, but he granted permission.

"Easy there, buddy," Touji said as he helped Shinji walk down the hall.

Shinji fought to keep the contents of his stomach down. "Touji, about Rei..."

"When we get there," Touji said firmly.

The nurse took one look at him and then practically threw him onto a cot in the adjourning room. She stuck a thermometer into his mouth and told him to stay put.

"There's a nasty bug going around, so you should probably get back to class," the nurse said to Touji.

"Yeah, I better do that."

Touji waited until the nurse was back in her office then he slipped into the room that Shinji was lying in. He asked, "So she's still missing?"

Shinji nodded wearily. He pulled out the thermometer and said, "I haven't seen her since yesterday morning. You really didn't see her leave yesterday?"

"Like I told you on the phone, man, I saw Ayanami right up until lunch, I talked to her on the way there, and I never saw her again after that."

"What did you two talk about?" Shinji asked.

Touji looked uneasy. "That's kinda private."

Shinji sighed. "Look, every piece of information helps. Rei disappeared around lunch time. You're one of the people who saw her right before she left-"

"You're saying I drove her away, man?" Touji asked rising out of his seat.

"No, damn it! This probably has nothing to do with you, but I have to start somewhere!" Shinji said angrily, aggravating his throat in the process. "Could you get me some water?"

"No prob." Touji quickly got him a cup that Shinji gulped down.

Touji sat down again and cleared his throat. "Okay, this is a little embarrassing, and when Ayanami comes back and gets mad at me, I'm pointing her straight at you. Anyways, this is what happened..."

Shinji closed his eyes and tried to relax while listening to his friend's account.

* * *

Touji was very glad when the lunch bell finally rang. He was starving and was looking forward to the packed lunch his mom had made for him. And if he was a gambling man, he'd bet that Hikari had made a little something extra for him as well. Having a girlfriend was great!

Making sure that his artificial leg could bear his weight, he stood up from his seat and headed toward Hikari's desk. But halfway there, he was blocked by a short, blue-haired girl.

He was startled but quickly recovered. "Wassup, Ayanami?"

Touji watched the girl silently mouth the word as if trying to figure out what he just said. He quickly said, "I mean, what's going on? Can I help you with something?"

"I would like to speak with you, Suzuhara," Rei stated.

"Sure, just give me a moment to tell Hikari," Touji replied, moving around her only to see that Hikari had left without him already.

Rei said from behind him, "I have already informed Class Representative Horaki of our meeting."

"A bit presumptuous, don't you think?" Touji asked lightly.

To his surprise, the pale girl's face actually turned a bit red. "I did not mean to-"

"Whoa, I'm just kidding. You gotta learn to lighten up a little," Touji said quickly.

"I have been trying to, as you say, 'lighten up.' Humor is simply very difficult," Rei replied. "There are hundreds of variations, not including off-the-cuff remarks that could easily be interpreted as completely serious statements."

"That was sarcasm, right?" Touji asked, unsure how to take the other girl's words.

Rei smiled slightly. "As I said, identifying humor is difficult."

Though her words were as bland as always, Touji couldn't help feeling that he had offended her in some way, and since he didn't want to dig himself into a deeper hole, he quickly changed the subject. "So what did you want to talk to me about?"

"What is love?"

Touji reeled back in shock. "That's a rather blunt question, isn't it?"

"I'm a rather blunt person," Rei said simply.

Touji could feel a headache forming. "I don't know if I'm the right person to be asking… Geez, you can't just throw something like that at a guy… Wait a minute, why are you asking me, anyway? Why not Hikari? Did she put you up to this?"

"She did not. From what I know of Miss Horaki, she would be too embarrassed by my questioning to give me proper answers. That leaves you and Aida, and I know you better than him."

"And you don't think I would get embarrassed?"

Rei stared straight at him. "Are you?"

That was a challenge if he had ever heard one. Touji felt his respect for the girl rise. Who knew she could be such a manipulator? So giving into the inevitable, he began, "Love is like friendship but, well, more."

Well, that was lame, Touji said to himself.

"You're speaking of the physical component," Rei said.

"There is that," Touji admitted. "But there's also the, you know… emotional stuff. Feeling like the other person really gets you, and feeling comfortable with them because you know they'd stick by you no matter what. God, I sound like a chick."

"Doesn't that also apply to friends and siblings as well?"

Touji shrugged. "Yeah, you know about different kinds of love, right? What I feel for my sister is way different from what Hikari brings out in me, but it's kinda the same concept. Look, nobody recognizes the sappy love stuff until it happens, so there's no point analyzing it to death. It's all in the gut and I know that's not your thing, but follow your instinct is really all I can say. I know that probably doesn't help you…"

"Yes and no," Rei responded. "You have given me much to think about. Thank you."

Touji couldn't contain his curiosity any longer. "Why do you want to know anyway? You interested in somebody?"

"Yes."

Rei then calmly walked out the door.

* * *

Shinji just stared at Touji in stunned silence.

"Rei has feelings for me?" he asked in wonder.

"She never said it was you…"

Seeing Shinji's nasty glare, Touji hastily added, "But I'm sure it is!"

Habitual insecurity made itself known as Shinji realized that Touji could be right. Just because Rei had spent nearly all her time with him and lived next door to him didn't mean that _he_ was the one she was thinking about.

Shinji shook his head angrily. "I don't have time to think about this. I have to find Rei! Can you ask around and see who else she talked to besides you?"

"Sure, man," Touji replied. "Just rest up. You're no good to anybody if you pass out from worrying."

It was around lunchtime that Shinji received another visitor. He struggled not to yawn too loudly as he tried to wake up fully from his nap.

"Are you feeling better?" Hikari asked.

"A little bit. What are you doing here?" Shinji said.

"I think I know why Ayanami ran away."

Shinji sat up. "Why didn't you say anything when I called yesterday?"

"I just realized it this morning. Yesterday, after lunch, I was on my way back to the classroom when I saw Ayanami come out of the computer lab." Hikari stared down at the ground and her voice grew quiet. "Her face was so blank and lifeless. It was like… before. I asked her what was wrong, and she just walked past me like I hadn't said anything."

Shinji felt a sudden pain in his chest. Rei couldn't have regressed, had she? What happened to her?

His turmoil must have shown on his face because Hikari turned her head, looking embarrassed. She continued, "I thought maybe she got a nasty email or something, so I had Kensuke, um, break into her account."

Hikari was definitely blushing, and Shinji would have smiled if it hadn't been for the seriousness of the situation. "Did you find something?"

"It's better to show you." Hikari handed Shinji a sheet of paper. "It's not very nice."

"You're a much better detective than I am," Shinji said in awe. He unfolded the sheet and hesitated, almost too afraid to go on. He knew it was going to be bad. Rei was not the kind of girl who would react badly to a message riddled with expletives and insults of her parentage. That alone wouldn't have affected her so much.

From experience, he knew there was an art to destroying a person, and it involved hitting a person's weakest spot. His father had certainly been a master at it.

And reading the message, he found Rei's weakness.

_He's just helping you out of guilt, you know. He's dealing with so much and trying so hard to move on with his life. But how can he do that if he's got your crap burdening him along with his own? You're a constant reminder of everyone and everything he's lost. You can pretend and playact all you want, but what can you truly offer him but pain? You don't deserve his kindness. Why don't you think about that the next time you take Shinji away from his hard-earned peace?_

It only got worse from there.

When Shinji finally finished reading, there were tears in his eyes. "Who sent this?"

Hikari said softly, "Kensuke doesn't know. He thinks the message was sent via a fake email address."

'"Does he have any idea who it's from?

"He thinks that the email is probably from a girl, someone who's jealous of you and Rei. I agree with him."

Shinji crumbled the note in his hands. "That's not what I asked."

Hikari sighed deeply. "He's looking and he'll tell you when he finds something. But isn't the most important thing right now to find Ayanami? Does it really matter _right now _what idiot sent her this?"

Of course it matters! Shinji wanted to shout. Rei had no experience dealing with personal attacks like this, but he did. He had allowed bullies to walk all over him and play their mind games his entire life, but he wasn't going to let that happen to Rei.

Now was not the time for that though.

"You're right," Shinji said, pushing himself off the cot. "I have to go look for her."

Hikari instantly pushed him back down. "You have no idea where she is! And how is Ayanami going to feel when she sees that you jeopardized your health for her? She's just going to feel even guiltier."

"Those are very good points," Shinji agreed. "Now, if you'll excuse me…"

"I'm not sure you're being very rational here," Hikari said, sounding like she was speaking to a five-year old.

"It's better to do something utterly ridiculous than to do nothing at all!" Shinji shouted. He struggled to his feet and the ensuing vertigo knocked him right off them immediately.

"It's not fair," Shinji whispered hoarsely. "I just wanted to help her."

Hikari looked at him sadly. "Touji and I will go look for her. Just rest and get better."

Shinji didn't say anything, allowing despair to wash over him. And his mind began to drift until it settled in the realm between dream and reality. But he didn't dream, but instead he remembered.

"_Are you feeling better?" Rei asked, laying down another blanket on top of him._

"_I'd feel better if you stopped giving me blankets," Shinji joked weakly._

"_You said you were freezing," Rei reminded him._

"_And now I'm hot," Shinji said patiently. "Being fussy and constantly changing my mind is the prerogative of sick people." _

"_Funny, isn't that what people say about women?" Rei asked with a definite twinkle in her eyes. "Is there something you wish to tell me?"_

_Shinji groaned. "Giving you that joke book seemed like such a good idea at the time. But what a monster you've become."_

"_You are obviously delusional," Rei replied with only a slight twitch of her lips. "Perhaps another blanket is in order."_

"_No, wait! Did I say monster? I meant Queen of Funny!" Shinji babbled. "Ha ha ha!"_

_Rei's face broke into a smile. "Let me check your temperature instead then."_

_Shinji hoped that his red face would be taken as another sign of illness. Rei had a rather unique way of seeing if his fever had gone down, which she claimed she had gotten from a manga. _

_Rei pressed her forehead against his, and for countless seconds, Shinji could feel her breath against his cheeks and see her crimson eyes boring into his. The experience left him breathless and sweating, but in a good way._

_After the second time she had done this, honesty compelled him to tell her that people traditionally used their hands to check someone's forehead._

_Rei didn't see how it made much of a difference and continued using her method._

_Shinji really couldn't tell if she was somehow teasing him or if she really was that naïve._

_It took him a few moments to recover from the close, almost intimate, touch and realize that Rei had resumed reading out loud the story of _Pinocchio

_He allowed her words to wash over him. Rei had a beautiful voice and it was easy to get lost in the unique melody she put into every word she spoke. Even a monotone had its inflections if one listened carefully enough._

_It was with a jolt that Shinji realized that Rei had stopped reading. He looked over at her to see her staring down at the pages with an enigmatic expression on her face._

"_Why did Gepetto love Pinocchio?" Rei asked with her lips barely moving. _

_Shinji was startled by this seemingly random question, and so said the first thing that came to mind. "Because he was his son."_

"_Did your father love you then?" _

_The pain that Shinji felt from hearing that question surprised him. He turned his head away and replied with some bitterness, "I don't think he loved anyone."_

"_There was one person he loved," Rei stated tonelessly. "Even after so many years, he loved her. Your mother must have been a special person to inspire that kind of devotion. I believe that such a person had to have loved you."_

_Shinji smiled a little sadly. "I know she did."_

"_Then you are lucky." Rei seemed like she wanted to say something more, but then she resumed reading to Shinji like nothing had been said. _

Shinji woke up, and he immediately realized two things. First, his fever had broken, and second, he knew where Rei was.

* * *

He found Rei right where he thought she would be. He was an idiot for not realizing it earlier. Or maybe he was being too hard on himself. When he thought she ran away, he thought she would have done what he did. Just run, run as hard and as far away as he could with no particular destination in mind and no goal other than to get away.

But Rei had always been more meticulous than him. She would have run to a place, a place where she would hope to find some answers and comfort.

He wrapped a jacket around Rei's icy shoulders then knelt down besides her in front of Yui Ikari's gravestone.

"I was worried about you," Shinji said softly.

"Perhaps you should not be," Rei said quietly, not even looking at him.

On an irresistible impulse, Shinji grabbed her shoulders and turned her to face him. "You are not a burden to me! I'm not helping you because I feel sorry for you or feel guilty. You _know_ that I care. Why should you listen to anything some crazy girl says?"

Rei finally looked up at him. "Because she is not wrong. I am acting, I am a fake. You are devoting so much effort into a project that has no guarantee of success. I do not know if I can ever become who you want me to be, and that saddens me."

Shinji resisted the urge to shake her until she saw sense. "I have never wanted any more from you than you can give. I have never wanted you to be anyone but yourself. You are _not_ a project! I am not doing this for my happiness, but for yours. I want you to be happy."

He suddenly noticed her shivering and cursed himself for an idiot again. Rei had been outside in only her school uniform for more than a day now. With only a slight hesitation, he pulled her body against his.

To his relief, she didn't pull away. She simply leaned against him, and they sat quietly in each other's presence.

"Why do you care so much?" Rei asked, speaking into Shinji's chest.

Shinji didn't know how to answer that question. No, he knew exactly how to answer it. But was he brave enough to do so? His eyes landed on the tombstone and the carefully carved name of Yui Ikari. This wasn't about just him anymore.

"I never believed that I was a person worth loving," Shinji said softly. "My father left me and my relatives were distant. I thought something had to be wrong with me and that I would never ever be happy. How could I give love when I had barely any memories of receiving any?"

Rei's grip on his shirt tightened. "No one has ever loved me."

And they had reached the heart of it. Shinji put his chin on top of Rei's head and murmured, "And yet you're such a caring person. I think… I think that I was wrong for so many years to hide from the world. Because while the ability to love can not spring from nothing, the potential itself is always there and it can grow and develop if you are around people to take as examples.

"You and Misato and even Asuka made me _feel_ and I hated all of you sometimes for forcing that on me. But I had to learn. I had to learn that even if something was wrong with me and I was different from everyone else, that didn't matter. Everyone is unique and that is why everyone deserves to be loved."

Shinji tilted Rei's chin up with a finger. "You are unique and also special to me in a way that no one else could ever be. So I guess what I'm saying is that I love you, Rei Ayanami."

Rei stared at him with widened eyes. Her face contorted as if she was fighting for composure, but then the mask broke and the tears ran freely.

_I never thought I would confess my feelings or that I would do it in this place_, Shinji thought, holding Rei while she cried. _But I never thought that I could let myself be so vulnerable. I never thought I could be this kind of person._

_Brave. Open. Happy._

It was amazing the surprises that life could bring.


	9. Chapter 9

Happy Chriskwanzakah! And my many apologies for leaving you, my dear readers, hanging for almost two years for the ending to what has surprisingly (to me, anyway) been my most popular fanfic to date. I could blame many things for my hiatus from the world of fanfiction writing, but you've heard all the excuses before from other writers, so I won't bother.

So without further ado, I present the final chapter to –

**Life Goes On**

_Written by funvince_

Chapter Nine

Tears ran down Asuka's face...

Shinji grimaced at the sight.

...because she was laughing so hard.

"It's not _that_ ridiculous," Shinji muttered crossly.

"Oh, Shinji, you always know how to cheer me up," Asuka said, wiping her face with the back of her hand.

Shinji looked down moodily into his tea. "Yeah, I know it sounds stupid, but it doesn't look good for you. You've admitted that you used to like me and even that you're a little jealous of Rei..."

Asuka stared at him with amusement in her eyes. "Your ego really is ginormous now, isn't it?"

"My ego has nothing to do with this!" Shinji snapped. "I'm just looking at the facts and-"

"Yes, let's look at the facts," Asuka interrupted. She leaned across the table with a somber look. "If you recall from your _eavesdropping_ last time, I told Wondergirl that you aren't my type."

"Maybe despite that, you didn't want anyone else to have me either?" Shinji suggested meekly. Even as the words came out of his mouth, he flinched at how stupid they sounded.

Asuka pressed a hand over her mouth to try to repress her snickering. "Shinji... please don't... take this... personally..." Asuka took a deep breath and said in a strangled voice, "You don't exactly have the kind of face that would launch a thousand ships. Maybe a rowboat..."

The redhead finally gave up and started giggling again.

Shinji waited a few moments then asked acerbically, "Are you quite done? This is serious! Rei was really hurt by this!"

That seemed to sober the girl up. She even looked a little abashed. "Sorry. I'm really not trying to piss you off, but you should really try to see this from my point of view. Let's say for the sake of argument that I really am unstable, I am only pretending to be nice and friendly, and that I'm hot for your bod."

Shinji shivered at the last part. "Please never say that again."

Asuka gave him a look. "_Anyway_, are you really suggesting that if I didn't want you and I didn't want anyone else to have you, my brilliant stratagem would be to send a nasty email?"

"Well, when you put it that way..."

"Not to mention that it's a really inefficient solution. I'd have to drive away all your future girlfriends as well. That seems like a lot of work." Asuka considered what she said then added hastily, "We're just assuming for the sake of argument that you could get other girls to go out with you."

Shinji rolled his eyes. Asuka always acted like it would kill her to genuinely compliment him. He replied, "I guess you have a point..."

"I know what you're thinking. Crazy people don't think long-term like that. Well, I must be crazy like a fox then if I was able to avoid all the cameras and guards in this _military _hospital, find an unoccupied computer station, hack my way in, look up Ayanami's school email address, set up a fake email account, type up and send a- what was it, five pages?- a five page hate letter, reroute the IP address so it wouldn't lead back here, and then sneak back to my room without anyone noticing that an escaped mental patient was wandering around in all that time."

"Ok, ok, I get your point..."

"Or maybe I didn't do it all at once. Maybe I've been planning this for _months_. Yes, that's the ticket. Ever since I got out of my coma, I've been plotting your downfall, Shinji Ikari! You getting self-confidence then meeting up and getting together with Ayanami so that you could be torn asunder for all of 24 hours was all part of a master plan orchestrated by me, the great Asuka Langley Sohryu!"

Asuka snapped her fingers. "Wow, it's so evil and diabolical that I'm beginning to wish I _had_ done it! I'm flattered you have such a high estimate of my skills."

"Enough with the sarcasm already!" Shinji said, holding his hands up in a gesture of defeat. "I'm sorry that I accused you without thinking things through."

"Touji thought this up, didn't he?"

"Yeah..." Shinji admitted reluctantly. "Are you mad?"

Asuka shrugged. "Not really. You're just exploring all the possibilities and it'd be stupid to take that personally. Besides, you don't have any real reason to trust me since I'm not _cured_ yet, and it's not like I couldn't have done all that." Her voice was filled with smugness. "I _am_ a genius after all. I'd just like to think that I'd spend my time on something useful like taking over the country."

"Not the world?" Shinji asked dryly.

"Too much paperwork," Asuka replied with a wave of her hand. Then her features softened and she said, "You want to know the biggest reason I wouldn't do that to you?"

She hesitated for a moment before Shinji gave her an encouraging nod. Asuka said, "Because you helped me get out of a very dark place. I want you to be happy. Even if I thought that you were completely screwing up your life... that's not my call. It's yours. You've had enough people running how you live, I think."

Shinji swallowed the lump in his throat. "Asuka..."

Asuka turned her head away and cleared her throat. "So if you're done playing detective, why don't you head back to your girlfriend?"

Shinji turned crimson. He started to protest, but he realized that it wouldn't do him any good. He settled for an unamused frown then stood up to leave. But when he reached the doorway of Asuka's room, he paused briefly, realizing that he had one more thing he had to say.

"You're wrong, Asuka."

He turned around and said softly, "I do trust you. With my life. You can be a jerk, but you're always upfront about it." Shinji smiled. "Your ego wouldn't allow otherwise."

Asuka stared after him, open-mouthed, as Shinji left still smirking.

* * *

"...and that's why I don't think Asuka did it," Shinji finished.

Rei thought this over. "Could she not have just written out a letter then paid off a nurse who is moderately skilled with computers to email it for her when he or she got home from work?"

This had not occurred to Shinji. "Uh..."

"Do not be concerned," Rei said after seeing the look of consternation on Shinji's face. "I do not believe that Sohryu did it either. I merely wanted to demonstrate that she is not as clever as she likes to think she is."

Rei's lips curved upward slightly. "The fact that Sohryu's first instinct for revenge is to behave like she's in a _Mission Impossible_ movie makes it doubtful she could have come up with such an impersonal method of hurting me. Sohryu is- or perhaps I should say _was_- a hammer. She would want to look me in the eyes when she pounded me down."

"Kensuke still hasn't found who sent it?" Shinji asked.

"He has not. I told him that it did not really matter now, but he told me that it was now _personal_ for him," Rei replied with a raised eyebrow. "He appears to be upset that the perpetrator has so far eluded him."

"Kensuke's always been stubborn," Shinji agreed, remembering how that particular trait got him and Touji clustered inside his Eva's cockpit during his second Angel fight. "I think it's good though that he's still working on it. How do we know that this isn't the work of some psycho who wants to hurt you?"

"We don't," Rei replied simply. "And until we do, I see little point in worrying about it."

_But I can't help but worry about you, _Shinji thought but didn't say. It had only been a few days since he found Rei in the cemetery, and he was a little unsure of how to act around the girl. He had seen her at her most vulnerable, and he didn't want to upset her by making her think that he thought she was overly fragile or anything like that. He'd been trying to treat her as normally as he always did.

The fact that she hadn't responded to his declaration of love one way or another wasn't helping matters.

Every time that particular thought came up, Shinji felt ashamed of himself. He hadn't had any ulterior motives when he revealed to Rei his true feelings, but he wouldn't be human if he didn't feel anxious over what the girl thought of him in return.

No news was supposedly good news, but he couldn't tell if Rei's silence meant that she was thinking over the matter and examining her feelings or if she had already put the incident behind her and moved on.

But then he remembered Rei's heartfelt sobs as she broke down in front of his mother's grave and he knew that she had not forgotten.

Shinji was so lost in his thoughts that he almost didn't notice when they reached Doctor Samuels's office. He glanced over at Rei and asked, "Are you sure you wouldn't rather do this alone?"

"You are the only person that I feel comfortable with," Rei replied. She gave Shinji a look that made his heart beat faster. "I would appreciate it if you were with me."

There was no way he could say no to that!

Samuels greeted the both of them with a warm smile when they entered his office. He said, "Hello, Shinji. And you must be Miss Ayanami. I've heard many things about you."

"None of them are true, I assure you," Rei replied with a slight smile.

Samuels's grin grew wider. He said, "Oh, but I can see that they are. Please have a seat."

After the two teenagers sat down on the couch, Samuels leaned forward and studied Rei intently for a few moments. Finally, he asked, "Why are you here?"

It was a simple question, but it was obvious that it was one that troubled Rei. She frowned a little and said quietly, "I... do not know where to begin."

Samuels nodded as if he had expected that answer. He said, "Shinji told me that you asked him if you could have a session with me. This was your idea, correct?"

"Yes."

"Then maybe you could tell me how you are feeling."

Rei hesitated and her face twisted as if she was in actual physical pain. Shinji grabbed her hand in concern, which drew her attention. She stared down at their joined hands then her face smoothed out, signaling whatever internal struggle she'd been waging had resolved itself.

In her soft, feathery voice, Rei said, "I am afraid. That is a difficult thing for me to admit. Every day I discover that there is so much that I do not know. I tell myself that I will eventually catch up, but I am afraid that there is something fundamentally different about me that will keep me from learning. Ikari-kun told me that I could make my own choices now but it is... hard."

"You have spent most of your life isolated in one way or another," Samuels said gently. "It's only natural that you feel like an outsider. That doesn't mean that something is wrong or different about you."

"If I was a normal girl, perhaps that would be true, but I am not. You must be aware that I am not entirely... human," Rei said with downcast eyes.

Shinji felt that he had to speak. "Who you are is more important than what you are. Please don't make the same mistake I made with you. To be human means more than what race or color you happen to be. I don't even think the DNA part of it really means that much either. I mean, yeah, that's important from a biological view, but..."

"I think that what Shinji is trying to say is that humanity is also a state of mind," Samuels interjected.

Shinji nodded, grateful for the time he needed to think. He paused, struggling to organize his thoughts. At last, he said, "Rei, as long as you continue to try your best at whatever you want to do, I couldn't be prouder of you. There's nothing more human than that."

Rei glanced downward with reddened cheeks and said, "Thank you."

She composed herself then looked over at Samuels. She said, "This is why I requested that Shinji accompany me here. He believes in me. I do not understand why, but I am glad that he does. Without him, I would be dead."

"Rei..." Shinji breathed.

Rei looked at him directly. "It is the truth. You told me that you wanted to show me that life was worth living for its own sake. You did that, and I am a better person for it."

She turned back to Samuels. "You asked me why I was here. I need advice and I cannot ask Ikari-kun for help this time."

"Why is that?" Samuels asked.

"I do not wish to put him in an awkward position." Rei hesitated then she continued, "He told me that he loved me."

If Shinji's eyes could have bulged out, they would have. He stared at Rei in shock and apprehension. Was she finally going to reveal how she felt about the matter? And would that news be good or bad?

If Rei saw his discomfort, she gave no sign of it. She said, "When I was recently very depressed, he told me that I was special. He also told me that he had learned that it did not matter if he was different and that I needed to learn that too. Then he told he loved me."

Rei's eyes took on a faraway gaze. "I needed to hear that, and I am glad he said it. I do not think he meant it in a brotherly way." She paused then said resolutely, "And I do not want him to mean it that way."

Shinji felt like he was going to faint. He tried to speak, but the hope burning in his throat prevented him.

"Tell me why you feel this way," Samuels coaxed.

The amount of red now on Rei's face was startling. She said, "When I am around Ikari-kun, I feel... warm and safe. He understands who I am and is willing to help me with who I wish to be. He is gentle and kind and has done so much for me. He wants me to be happy. I want him to be happy as well."

Rei raised her eyes and stared directly into Samuels' eyes. "I don't understand love, but I would like to learn. I am told that I can only understand it through experience. So I am here to ask you what I should do."

Samuels leaned back in his chair and seemed to lose himself in thought. A few minutes later, he stirred himself and said, "I have never intended to be a relationship counselor, but you'd be surprised at how often I'm consulted on the subject by the other people at this base. Miss Ayanami, I'd be willing to advise you, but I must speak to you in private."

"Why?" Rei asked.

"Good relationships contain an element of mystery. If Shinji was to remain here while I told you to do so-and-so at such-and-such a time, then all spontaneity would be lost. Trust me, it would be incredibly awkward."

Rei tilted her head in thought then said, "Your reasons are valid. Your request is acceptable."

Samuels stood up from his chair. "Please wait here while I have a few words with Shinji."

Shinji had only taken a few steps after Samuels when the doctor stopped in mid-step. He snapped in fingers in annoyance and said, "I almost forgot. There is one thing you can do first, Miss Ayanami." He bent over and whispered something into Rei's ear.

Rei gave a small nod then her head tilted slightly to the right as she stared at Shinji with thoughtful contemplation. She was obviously nervous and she didn't seem to be making any effort in masking her emotion. Her eyes shimmered with uncertainty and her hands twitched as if she didn't quite know what to do with them.

It was one of the most beautiful sights Shinji had ever seen.

But if her demeanor was anxious, her voice was as calm and serene as always. She asked, "Ikari-kun, would you do me the honor of going on a date with me this upcoming Saturday?"

Shinji could almost feel his brain starting to shut down from this latest emotional shock. He gave a jerky nod and mumbled something that sounded vaguely like words from his native tongue.

With great amusement in his voice, Samuels said to Rei, "I believe that he accepted."

"I am glad," Rei replied. Her face had returned to its customary blankness, but there was an air of satisfaction around her that was obvious to those who knew how to look.

Samuels motioned for Shinji to follow him. Shinji, who was still in a state of semi-shock, was easily led into the hallway. He snapped out of it once they left the room and he turned to the older man with a bewildered look. "What just happened?"

The doctor chuckled. "I think you just got yourself a girlfriend."

Shinji's brain simply could not compute that concept at the moment, so it put it aside for later analysis.

"This is definitely going to take some time to sink in," Shinji informed the other man. "What am I supposed to do now? I'm as clueless as Rei on this sort of stuff."

"I'd be happy to talk to you later on this _sort of stuff_, but advising the both of you would make me too much the master puppeteer. I suggest you ask someone you trust to help you. And there's one more thing."

"What's that?"

Samuels put a hand on Shinji's shoulder. "I hope you don't mind that Rei asked you out first. I know it is traditional for the man to do this, but I think it would be a good idea for Rei to take the lead in planning out your first date."

"Da-date?" Shinji's head whirled. Everything was moving so fast!

Samuels gave a firm nod then continued, "From her files, I've gathered that Ayanami has always been very careful about maintaining strict control in her actions and emotions. She's probably feeling very vulnerable right now. The best way to counterbalance that is to allow Rei to set the pace and initiate the decision-making. At least in the beginning. After all, women like their men to take charge now and then."

Shinji was still staring off into space when Samuels went back into his office. He tried to puzzle out what he was feeling. He felt a bit of confusion and indignation that he'd been shuffled off without a chance to really respond to Rei's declaration of interest. But he mostly felt happiness, and a silly smile couldn't help but break out on his face.

Who would have thought that Rei had such a high regard for him? He wished that Rei could have said her feelings directly to him instead of through a middleman, but that was probably too much to ask of her at the moment. He wondered what Rei would plan to do for their date.

Shinji was then almost knocked by a bolt of realization. Never mind Rei's actions, what was he going to do? He'd never been on a date before and while Rei had taken on some of the responsibilities that probably didn't relieve him from the rest of it.

Was he supposed to pay? Or was that considered old-fashioned these days? Speaking of old-fashioned, was holding doors and such still thought of as good manners or just plain silly? Most importantly of all, what was he expected to do at the end of a date? Obviously, he'd walk her to her door since she lived right next door, but should he hug her or even ki-kiss her, or would that be too much for a first date?

He could feel a headache coming on and he knew that he needed expert advice and fast.

* * *

"Shinji and Rei sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" Misato sang in badly accented English.

"Misato!" Shinji gave a huge sigh as he adjusted the phone into a more comfortable decision. Perhaps he should have thought more carefully about whom to ask for relationship advice.

"Oh, come on! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity!" Misato cried over the line. "There were times that I was convinced that you were going to die a virgin!"

"Wh-what are you talking about?" Shinji sputtered. He was extremely glad that Misato could not see the blush on his face. "We're just going on a date."

"You're never going to score with an attitude like that," Misato teased.

Shinji sighed deeply. "Are you quite done?"

"Spoilsport. Okay, what do you need to know?"

"I don't know! That's why I'm asking you!"

Misato gave a long, rich laugh. Then she said, "Shinji, you're making too big a deal out of this. Just act like you've always have. It really doesn't matter what you do or when you do it as long as you're doing it because you care. Rei asked you out because she likes you. She doesn't need for you to do any fancy moves or ploys. And I doubt that she'd even realize what you were doing if you tried."

"I know that," Shinji replied, as he sagged on the couch. "But Rei has never been on a date before. Yeah, yeah, I haven't either, but… it feels different in her case. I just want to make it special for her."

"It'll be fine," Misato said gently.

"I must sound pretty silly to you," Shinji said with a small grin. "I bet that you've never had problems like this. You've probably always been the life of the party."

"Now, don't be so sure of that. I wasn't always the gracious and gorgeous social butterfly that I am today. Would it surprise you to know that I didn't have my first date until college?"

"Really?"

"You know about my past. Let's just say that I didn't exactly have time for the finer things in life." Misato's voice was light, but she couldn't completely mask her pain.

Shinji closed his eyes in sympathy. Between the destruction of Antarctica and the effects of Second Impact, her father's death, and her catatonic state, it was amazing that she was so full of life. He opened his mouth to apologize for being so insensitive, but then he closed it when he realized that his guardian and friend needed him to hear this.

"You and Rei are far braver than I've ever been in the love game. And I think that you know as well as I do that it is fear that ruins so many things. As long as you resist the impulse to run away, then I think that you can handle whatever comes your way. I wish…"

Shinji wished that he had known more about Ryoji Kaji. He had obviously been a major influence in Misato's life as well as his own. The spy had seemed like he didn't have a care in the world, but that had obviously been part of his charade. Shinji had seen aspects of the real man behind the mask in moments like when he watered his watermelons. The man had many responsibilities, but he didn't allow them to weigh him down.

"I'm sure everyone has things they wish they could change. As long as we don't obsess over them then we'll find a way to manage to live on," Shinji said.

"So you're saying that life sucks and that we should just suck it up and deal with it?" Misato asked with obvious amusement her voice.

"More or less," Shinji replied. That had been the hardest lesson that he'd ever had to learn.

"Thank you, Shinji. I don't know how, but your cynicism has actually cheered me up."

"I never claimed to be an optimist. I don't think any amount of training will ever change that."

"Bah, you teenagers and your angst," Misato grumbled good-naturedly. Then in an almost casual tone she asked, "So how many condoms will you be bringing to your date?"

"Misato!"

* * *

The big day had finally arrived. Shinji stared at himself in the mirror and wondered if he was overdressed. He had initially thought about wearing his school uniform as usual in order to keep things casual, but his friends had convinced him that wearing his school clothes on a date was just lazy and cliché.

He was currently wearing a sports jacket over a long-sleeved shirt and pants. Shinji checked his breath again and made sure that he had his wallet on him. Then he checked his watch. It was five minutes to seven. He still had time to change quickly if he really wanted to…

No, he shouldn't be second-guessing himself. What he was wearing was fine for if they ended up going to a fancy restaurant or just hung out at the local arcade. His nerves were just trying to rattle him. Unfortunately, they were doing a very good job.

He was being ridiculous. He had gone out with Rei dozens of times. How was this any different? But the reality was that it was different. This one date could determine whether or not Rei and he could be more than friends. His entire future could be resting on-

Stop it! Shinji banged the heel of his palm against his head as if that would shake the irritating thoughts from his mind. He always did this, putting too much pressure on himself that he couldn't even think straight. All he had to do was relax and have a good time. There was nothing to worry about.

"Okay, there's ten seconds… seven, six, five, four…"

The moment the watch display changed to 7:00, Shinji's eyes snapped to the door, expecting to hear Rei's customary soft knock. Her punctuality was legendary after all.

Seconds went by. There was no knock. In disbelief, Shinji took out his cell phone to make sure that his watch wasn't off on the time. The times matched. It was now 7:01 PM.

So Rei was a little late. That was no big deal. The panicky part of his mind disagreed. How could she be late? She lived next door!

_Girls take longer to get dressed_, the rational part of his mind asserted. Yes, that was probably it. He was not going to succumb to irrational fears.

The time became 7:10 PM.

_Okay, it's time to panic. Oh god, maybe she isn't coming. Maybe she suddenly realized what a stupid idea this was. Maybe she forgot. What if something happened to her? Should I go next door and ask? But I'd look pretty stupid if it turns out I just had the wrong time or something…_

There was a knock.

Shinji almost collapsed to the floor in relief. With great restraint, he kept himself from flinging the door open.

Rei stood in front of him, smiling. That particular expression was still rare enough that he couldn't help paying special attention whenever he saw it. He hoped to never take it for granted.

There was a time when the only person Rei showed such animation for was his father. Seeing the characteristically somber girl light up around the commander had shocked and even angered Shinji at the time, but it also made him realize that Rei Ayanami, despite rumors the contrary, was capable of expressing happiness. He had wished for a long time that he could also be someone who could generate such a response from her without prodding, and now he was.

Shinji had never imagined Rei in a kimono, but now that he was seeing the sight right in front of his eyes he had to admit that she looked really good in it. Her kimono, a summer yukata, was dark blue with flowers imprinted all over it and tied off with a red bow. Combined with her pale skin and classical look, she could have, with a little more ornamentation, passed for a geisha.

He then realized that he had been staring and not saying anything for the last thirty seconds. He forced a rather fake-sounding cough then said, "Rei! I was just about to go over and see if you were having any problems."

"Were you concerned about my tardiness?" Rei asked.

"Not at all," Shinji lied.

"I have read that a young lady is supposed to keep her date waiting in order to build up his anticipation. He will then be struck speechless when she finally arrives and show him what he's been missing." Rei's smile grew even larger. "That information appears to be correct."

There was no proof of this in either her tone or demeanor, but Shinji would swear that somewhere behind her composed exterior, she was _laughing_ at him in childish glee for having mastered a new trick.

Shinji found himself smiling back at her. "Rei, you never cease to amaze me. And you would look great no matter what time you came."

"You flatter me."

Rei turned away but not before Shinji saw the redness of her cheeks that undoubtedly matched his own. So he was not the only nervous one here. This fact actually helped him in damping down his anxiety.

The two made their way down to the street level and started heading toward the train station. Shinji commented, "I didn't even know that you owned a kimono."

"I did not until yesterday. Miss Horaki was kind enough to help me pick one out at the mall when I informed her that it was my intention to take you to the festival tonight."

"Why the festival?"

Rei came to a stop before she turned and faced Shinji. She stared at him with her bright, red orbs for a moment then she said softly, "Because I have never been to one. Because I wanted to see fireworks in person and not just from my apartment window. Because I thought we should see the reason behind why we fought."

Without waiting for a response, Rei turned again and continued walking. Shinji hurried to keep up. But her words kept echoing in his mind.

He couldn't help but remind the night they had spent talking before their fight with the Fifth Angel.

_You told me then that Evangelion was your bond to all people. These were people that you didn't know or understand, but yet you were willing to die for them and not simply because my father told you to. I think that was when I first realized that you were much deeper than I had given you credit for. _

Rei had grown so much in the past weeks, but in many ways she was just nurturing a side of herself that had already existed. He hoped to always be there to see what type of woman Rei would turn out to be. He had a feeling that she would be wonderful.

The festival was being held in a park near the commercial district. The place was brimming with life by the time the two teenagers arrived. It was a beautiful night, which was made even more so by the soft, yellow glow of the lanterns hung everywhere. The evening was warm but not uncomfortably so.

Families and couples were strolling all over the place. Normally, such a sight would have made Shinji uneasy as old habits died hard. But with Rei by his side he found that he wasn't bothered at all. It was such a syrupy thought, the type that would make Asuka gag if she knew of it, but that didn't make it any less true.

He and Rei spent about half an hour simply wandering about and examining the stalls. It was like a flea market in many ways with vendors extolling the virtues of their wares.

Shinji decided that it was a good time to start playing some carnival games. Even though he knew that Rei still didn't care very much about material possessions he thought that she would like a souvenir by which to remember this night.

"Let's try this one," Shinji said to his companion when they stopped in front of a simple ring toss game. He explained that the purpose of the game was to get the rings to hang on the pegs, and the prize they got depended on how successful they were. He brought five rings and threw his first toss.

Ten minutes later…

The demonic board and pegs were mocking him. He hadn't anticipated having so much trouble or having to shell out so much money. It didn't seem possible, but he had yet to make a single successful throw. Shinji gave a low growl. He had been an EVA pilot for heaven's sake! Granted, the targets he hit were usually bigger and he hadn't been trying to throw rings around their necks, but he could surely do better than this!

Shinji felt Rei watching him and he knew that she was on the verge of asking if she could help him. He knew logically that Rei would be much better at winning these prizes with her superior hand-eye coordination, but he wanted to win something for her with his own efforts. And there may have been a tiny amount of male ego involved.

But at the rate he was going, he wouldn't have enough money to buy Rei food or take her on the rides. Who was he trying to impress? He wasn't Asuka, who would have been accusing the game person of rigging the game by this point. With a final sigh, he carelessly threw his final ring.

It landed perfectly around the center peg.

Shinji stared at the board in disbelief then he decided not to question his victory, if that was even the appropriate word.

"Here's your prize, kid!"

Shinji found himself holding a pair of pink nekomimi. He held it gingerly away from his body and asked, "Uh, can't I pick something else?"

The man behind the booth shrugged. "Sorry, kid. That's the only prize we give out for the one-ringers. Besides, your girlfriend over there seems to like them."

Shinji was about to bristle at being called a 'one-ringer' when the man's last few words struck him. He turned his head and saw that Rei had taken the cat ears from him without his noticing and put them on.

The blue-haired girl currently sporting pink feline ears cutely tilted her head in response to Shinji's slack-jawed expression.

Shinji reddened at the sight.

"Interesting," Rei said thoughtfully. "I was not aware that you possessed such a fetish."

"What? No! That's not it at all!" Shinji exclaimed. He was now the color of a tomato.

"It is nothing to be ashamed of. This interest in cat-girls is actually quite common among your age group and is harmless."

"Not so loud!" Shinji hissed. He frantically looked around to see if anyone he knew was nearby. He had to keep better track of the manga Rei read!

"You are correct," Rei replied at a marginally lower volume. "This type of thing should be saved for more private moments."

She took the ears off.

Shinji found that he was feeling oddly disappointed. Then he felt alarmed about what that meant. And Rei's talk of 'private moments' was not helping!

In an effort to not spontaneously combust, Shinji quickly dragged Rei over to a goldfish catching game. Rei's cool and methodical movements easily enabled her to scoop up her prey in almost no time at all.

"That's amazing!" Shinji enthused as Rei was handed her prize. He made a mental note to get Rei some material on how to care for her new pet. Taking care of another life would probably be good for her, but it would be really bad if she accidentally killed it.

Rei stared at the plastic bag in her hand that contained her new charge. The goldfish stared back. Shinji had the eerily feeling that he knew who would lose if there was ever a blinking contest between the two.

"I will name him Spot," Rei declared solemnly.

Shinji groaned. "Do you know how old that joke is?"

"What joke?" Rei asked blankly.

Shinji was taken back until he saw that the right corner of Rei's mouth was twitching. The full impact of the last fifteen minutes hit him, and he tossed his head back and laughed until his stomach hurt. Though Rei didn't do more than smile slightly at his antics, he knew that she felt the same way he did.

The lines at the food stands were almost gone, so it seemed like a good time to introduce Rei to the novelty of festival snacks. As he expected, Rei's unique view of the world soon made itself known.

After Shinji finished paying the vendor, he turned to see Rei staring at the cotton candy in her hands. She was examining it with all the seriousness that one would normally reserve for an exam question.

Rei looked like she came to a decision when she turned to Shinji and informed him, "This is too pretty to eat."

"I never thought I would hear you say anything like that," Shinji teased. He gave an amused look at Rei's cotton candy. "I have also never seen anyone consider cotton candy to be an art form before."

"Art comes in many forms," Rei insisted.

"The vendors are creating edible clouds," Shinji agreed, trying to keep a straight face.

"There are also the health aspects to consider," Rei continued. "I suspect that this confection is made almost entirely out of sugar."

Shinji suddenly had the image of Rei on a sugar high. He couldn't hold it in any more. He burst out laughing.

"I enjoy making you laugh," Rei said. She met his eyes with her penetrating yet warm gaze. "It is quite a liberating feeling to know that I have the power to make someone happy."

"I'm just happy to be with you," Shinji assured her.

Rei was now looking at the corndog in Shinji's hand. "This is a very practical method of eating. Why is eating food off sticks not more common?"

Before Shinji could reply, he was interrupted by people gasping in wonder. He lifted his eyes to see bursts of light spreading out across the sky.

He looked over at Rei who was staring up at the fireworks with a look of childlike wonder in her eyes. Mustering up his nerve, he grabbed her hand. When she looked at him in askance, he said, "Let's find a good spot to watch."

The couple ended up finding a secluded area of the park. They made themselves comfortable under a tree. Shinji knew that the area would probably be filled up in a few minutes, but for the moment he cherished the privacy of being alone.

Shinji took the moment to really consider where he was now. If anyone had told him that he would one day actually be on a date and that he wouldn't be tripping over himself like an idiot, he would have turned up the volume on his SDAT because he was obviously being made fun of.

Even now, he could hardly believe how calm he was. Maybe it was his newfound confidence or maybe it was just that he spent most of his time with Rei already, but he couldn't imagine being anywhere else.

Watching her stare at the pyrotechnics show in the sky, her skin almost glowing from the reflected glare, he was reminded of how much he loved her. He loved the person that she was and the person that she was becoming.

There was a part of him that was afraid of these changes. The fear told him that it was only a matter of time before Rei changed enough that she would not need him any longer and would move onto someone who would better meet her needs. The part of him that had only recently awoken after years of being buried under insecurity and self-loathing told his fear that it was missing the point.

It was at this moment that Rei turned her head and their eyes met. Shinji found himself forgetting how to breathe. He always got a warm feeling in the pit of his stomach whenever he ended up really looking at Rei.

"Are you having fun?" Shinji asked, trying to cover up his reaction at being caught staring.

"I am," Rei replied. She shifted her body to face Shinji's, and he could see the uncertainty in her eyes. "I had felt apprehension about trying to change our relationship to one of a romantic nature. I still feel that, but that feeling is outweighed by my desire to become closer to you. Perhaps it is too premature to say this, but I would like to be your girlfriend."

His heart was pounding so loudly that Shinji could barely hear himself say, "I would like that too."

"You want to be my girlfriend?" Rei asked. Despite her teasing tone, he could see the look of relief and happiness on her face.

Shinji smiled and shook his head fondly. He then noticed that Rei's face was rapidly closing in on his. "W-What are you doing, Rei?"

"I believe it is customary to make such a declaration official with a kiss," Rei replied. Her voice was actually quavering and her face was slightly flushed.

Shinji was certainly not feeling calm now. He also found himself in a painful quandary. Rei was such an enigma. She had the knowledge and wisdom of a much older woman in many ways, but she was barely more than a child in so many other areas. So, almost reluctantly, he said, "Despite what you've read, you don't have to kiss on the first date…"

"I know."

Shinji pondered this statement for a moment then he began leaning his head in. He could see Rei's eyes widen in surprise. Right about when their lips were about to touch…

ring, ring

Shinji cursed silently to himself as he cut off the incoming call. The only people who knew his number were ones who knew that he was on a date. He was going to give whoever it was a piece of his mind when he got home! Shinji clutched his fist in frustration. He thought briefly of continuing where he left off, but the mood was gone now and it would be too awkward. Of all the times for this to happen…

He suddenly felt a pair of hands grab his head and before he knew it, another pair of lips were pressed up against his. For the briefest of moments, the world ceased to exist except for the intense sensation of _softness_.

Then one heartbeat later, a dozen thoughts appeared in his head at once.

_Oh my God, Rei's kissing me. And I'm kissing her! Thank goodness she doesn't care about stupid things like embarrassment. Am I doing this right? What should I do with my hands? Is she enjoying this at all? I think it's rather nice... It's a hell of a lot better than the kiss I had with Asuka! Don't be thinking of another woman while you're kissing Rei! Baka, stop thinking so much at all!  
_  
And then as if a switch had been thrown, it was quiet again and he was able to focus on the kiss itself. Even as inexperienced as he was, he could tell that neither of them really had any idea of what they were doing. And because he hadn't gotten a chance to adjust to a more comfortable position, he could feel a knot on the tree pushing into his back. Yet, none of that seemed to matter.

He could taste the cotton candy that Rei must have finally gotten around to eating while he wasn't looking, and he could smell the faint scent of flowers that was probably from the shampoo she'd picked out the last time they'd gone shopping. He could feel her shiver from the gust of wind that just came by and without even thinking about it he drew her in even closer to him. The sudden warmth he felt was quite a contrast to the cool night and he was reminded of sitting in an outdoor bath.

And then just as quickly as it had started, it was over.

Shinji took a deep breath. He felt like he just swam twenty laps. He was even feeling a little lightheaded. He would never have guessed that Rei would be such a passionate kisser. But he really shouldn't have been surprised. He had known for a long time now that underneath her calm exterior was a hodgepodge of intense, fiery emotions.

Looking over at Rei, he saw that she seemed to be in deep thought. He almost didn't want to interrupt her, but he felt that he should say something. "Rei, are you okay?"

"I believe I now understand the appeal behind this action," Rei replied.

Shinji smiled. "I think I do too."

The two of them went back to watching the fireworks in comfortable silence. Because he was in such a good mood, he decided to see what had been so important that it was worth interrupting his time with Rei. He took out his phone and checked his voicemail. A few minutes later, the smile faded from his face.

"What is wrong?"

Shinji glanced up from the screen to see Rei looking at him with an air of concern. He wondered if he should keep this news for later, but he quickly decided that Rei deserved to know.

"I got a message from Kensuke. He found out who sent you that email."

* * *

The neighborhood had seen better days. It wasn't quite as shabby as the area where Rei and now Shinji lived, but it was clearly heading in that direction. After Second Impact and the massive decrease in the world's population, people fled the suburbs into the city for safety and simply to get away from the loneliness. Left behind was a crumbling infrastructure and those who simply could not afford to live in the grand metropolis that was Tokyo-3.

A door of a particularly run-down building flew open with a slam. The woman who walked out stumbled and had to hold onto the doorway for support. Her features were hard to make out because the only light came from a single flickering street light overlooking the end of the alleyway.

The lack of light seemed to amplify the yelling that was following the woman outside. The sound was muffled but the hoarse voice of an angry man could clearly be heard.

"How many times do I have to tell you to stop drinking on the job?"

"Give it a rest already! This is a bar! I'm a fucking cocktail waitress. Nobody gives a shit."

"I give a shit when you're constantly short on the till count. Hey, I'm not done talking to you!"

The woman gave a weary wave like she couldn't care less. She walked unsteadily toward the light. Her bloodshot eyes blinked rapidly against the glare coming from the streetlight, and because of this she was startled when a voice came from only a few feet in front of her.

"Is there some place we can talk… Ibuki-san?"

The woman, the aforementioned Maya Ibuki, took a few steps back out of fear and surprise. She blinked a few more times as if to confirm what she was seeing. Then her look of shock faded and was replaced with a bitter grin.

"I have nothing to say to you."

She made a move to brush past the two figures who had just stepped out of the shadows. As she tried to walk past, the boy reached out and grabbed her arm. She simply turned her head and stared at him, not bothering to hide the confusion and anger she was feeling.

Shinji released her arm like he had been burned. He stared at her and said quietly, "Maya, what happened to you?"

What happened to the shy yet cheerful woman he had known? Who was this woman in the rumpled uniform that reeked of sake and cigarette smoke? Why had she done what she did to Rei?

These were all questions that he wanted to ask, but he was too stunned to do more than gape at his former co-worker. Rei came to his rescue.

"Ibuki-san, I think it would be best if you talked to us."

"I'm not in the mood for a reunion if it's all the same to you."

The glare that the older woman gave Rei loosened Shinji's tongue. "We know that you sent that email to Rei."

Maya moved her gaze onto him. "So it's Rei now? How nice. I don't recall sending an email to be any type of crime though. I take it the contents didn't meet with your approval."

Shinji had to turn his head away. The emptiness in those eyes was too much to bear. He growled, "Damn it, Maya! Why are you acting like this?"

"I don't see why I should have to tell you anything." Maya turned to go. Her steps were halted by the words that came from behind her.

"Does this have to do with doctor Akagi?" Rei asked tonelessly. Her lack of expression indicated that she had withdrawn into her protective shell

Maya whirled around, her eyes blazing. The hatred in them was almost tangible.

Shinji's eyes widened. "Don't tell me…"

Maya's voice was choked as if she was trying to hold back tears. "Akagi-sempai was a wonderful woman. She was the smartest, most compassionate woman I have ever known. She deserved better."

"She did," Rei agreed. Her face was still carefully blank. "I do not see how I am to blame for her death though."

Maya acted like she hadn't heard her. "She was miserable because of you. Everyone knew about her relationship with Ikari. Some days she would come in and pretend that everything was fine, but it was obvious that she wasn't fine at all."

"Again, that is not my fault."

Maya was currently sitting with her back against a wall and her arms wrapped around her knees. She looked up at Rei and gave a soft chuckle. "I had forgotten how cute your naivety was."

If Rei was confused, she didn't show but simply kept pressing forward. She said, "I believe who you are truly angry with is Commander Ikari. But he's dead and I'm the only one around that you can blame."

"Yeah, he's dead. She's dead. After years of fighting over a dead woman. Lots of dead people in this story. It's a fucking soap opera."

Rei simply stared down at the broken woman and said nothing. She did not seem to know what else to say. Shinji shifted from his silent position and sighed. He hadn't wanted to come here in the first place.

He was still very angry at Maya, but it seemed that for whatever reason Rei was not. And if Rei wanted to help her, then he would try his best as well. Rei had grown so much, but she had not yet learned that not everything in this world could be solved if enough logic and reason was applied to it.

Shinji knelt down besides Maya and said gently, "Maya, this isn't like you. You shouldn't be here. We just want to know what happened."

He could almost see the cold rain behind Maya's eyes, and he was surprised when Maya actually responded to his request.

"It wasn't so bad at first. It was hard to feel sad with Makoto and Shigeru always hanging around. Those idiots could always make me laugh. They constantly came over and ate my food and lounge around all day. I'd yell at them to go find a job and somehow we'd end up at a karaoke bar or the arcade. We were one happy, dysfunctional family."

Maya's face which had noticeably lightened while she was talking suddenly crumbled again.

"But it couldn't last. Makoto's aunt in America got sick and he had to go take care of her. About a month later, Shigeru got a chance to tour Japan in a band that he and his friends put together. I couldn't just tell him not to go, right? He was worried about leaving me alone, but I told him I was a grown woman and it wasn't like I didn't have other friends.

"I did have other friends. I wasn't lying. But none of them understood. NERV was something they read about in the news. I thought I'd put that life behind me, but I kept having these dreams… I couldn't concentrate on my job and I was eventually let go. It was just as well. My job was the only reason I ever left my apartment those days, so now I didn't have to. After that…"

Maya spread her hands with a sarcastic flair. "I got to the point where I couldn't stand the silence any longer and ended up here. A classic, rather mundane case of depression, wouldn't you say? Are you disappointed?"

The expression on her face belied her harsh words.

"But you're not interested in any of that. You just want to know why I insulted the precious First Child. It's not a very exciting story. I was driving toward here to start my shift one day, and I suddenly see you two walking and talking like you don't have a care in the world. I was surprised to see Rei with more life and energy than I've ever seen in all the time I've known her. I don't know why, but seeing that, seeing her so happy just made me so angry…"

Maya leaned her head against the wall behind her and gave a mirthless laugh. "It sounds so stupid when I say it out loud, doesn't it? I have no grudge against you, Shinji-kun. You of all people deserve to have a good future. But Rei…"

Maya's gaze moved over and locked squarely on Rei's silent form. "_She_ hated you so much. She would talk to me after she'd had too much to drink. She never remembered these conversations, and I never let on how much I knew. She'd tell me that it was bad enough that she had to compete with the memory of a dead woman, but having you around as a constant reminder of her inadequacy was almost too much to bear. You were there from the beginning. You were why her mother killed herself. YOU'RE THE REASON RITSUKO DIED!"

Shinji found that it was his turn to not know what to say. He could only stare at the grieving woman in stunned silence. _Damn you, Father. How many lives have you ruined in your mad quest?_

"Ritsuko Akagi committed suicide because it was too difficult for her to go on living."

Maya stared up at Rei as if she couldn't comprehend her words.

In her cool, measured tone, Rei said, "There were many reasons for this. She measured her accomplishments to those of her mother and always found herself falling short. She was in love with a man who cared nothing for her and only used her for his own ends. She had no life outside of work and few friends. She loathed herself for being unable to escape the prison she had put herself in."

"I know this already," Maya muttered in a dismissive tone. But her eyes never left Rei's.

Rei continued without pause. "There are many people to be angry with in this situation. Commander Ikari for making her life miserable. Me for my part in his plans. Yourself for not being able to stop her death. But I believe the person you're most angry with is Ritsuko Akagi herself."

Maya gave a derisive laugh. "Oh, this is rich. You're a psychiatrist now? Go ahead then. Why am I angry at Ritsuko?" She laughed again. It was a harsh, mournful sound.

"Because she did not care enough about you to live for your sake."

Maya's laughter froze in her throat.

"She never trusted you enough to reveal her fears and insecurities while she was sober."

"Stop it…"

"Despite your obvious admiration and respect for her, she never reciprocated your desire to have a deeper relationship."

"You don't know what you're talking about!" Maya's body was trembling now.

"You hate her because she didn't consider how her death would affect you. You hate me because I found a reason to keep on living. You hate yourself because you couldn't be that reason for her. The guilt and shame you feel for such thoughts is too much for you to handle…"

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!"

Maya shook her head wildly back and forth with her hands clamped over her ears. Tears streamed out from her tightly closed eyelids and ran down her face.

Shinji may have had his misgivings, but his heart couldn't help but go out toward Maya. He took a step forward, but Rei had already knelt down and enveloped the former first lieutenant in her arms.

Maya weakly protested and struggled, but she subsided when Rei, with a warmth in her voice that hadn't been present a minute before, shushed her and told her that it was okay to cry.

And that's what Maya did. Great, heaving sobs of anguish and despair poured out of her while Rei gently rocked her back and forth and murmured comforting words.

"It's not fair… I miss her so much…"

Rei gently stroked Maya's hair. "I know."

"I'm sorry…"

"It is all right. Shush…"

Shinji felt a lump in the back of his throat. It looked like he had severely underestimated Rei. He knew that Rei had learned to be a comforting person, but he hadn't expected her to treat so kindly someone who had caused her so much pain. Rei looked very motherly as she soothed the older woman in her arms, and he almost didn't want to disturb them but the sudden chill in the night air told him that they should get going.

He cleared his throat. "Come on, Maya, we'll take you home."

A few minutes later, Shinji was in the driver's seat of Maya's car while the two women sat in the back. The ride to Maya's apartment was a silent one. After he pulled up in an empty parking space, he noticed that Rei had nodded off and was currently leaning against the car window.

He reached out to shake her awake when Maya grabbed his wrist. She said, "Let her sleep. You can return the car tomorrow. I have the day off anyway."

"Thank you," Shinji replied. He sensed that there was something more, so he waited patiently.

Maya looked at him with uncertain eyes and asked, "Why are you helping me?"

Shinji considered the question carefully, and then he replied, "I haven't exactly been the nicest person to Rei myself. Yet she was able to forgive me. Seems the least I can do is the same for you. As for Rei's reasons…"

Shinji glanced at the sleeping girl in the rearview mirror. "Look at her. The old Rei would have never dreamed of letting herself fall asleep while other people were around. She's changed and she knows it. I think she sees no reason why you can't change either."

Maya gave him a steady gaze. "And do you believe that?"

Shinji smiled. "People are always changing. But what you're really asking is whether you can change in a certain direction. That's really up to you, Maya, and nobody else."

Maya didn't look like she quite believed him, but she didn't contradict him either. Instead, she looked over at Rei. "I really hurt her, didn't I?"

Shinji kept his face impassive. "Yes, you did."

"I didn't really think that she could be hurt."

"I once thought that too. Now we both know better."

Maya bit her lip then she asked, "Can you tell her thanks for me?"

"Tell her yourself when we come by tomorrow," Shinji said.

Maya looked a little surprised, but she merely nodded in reply. She got out of the car and walked up the steps toward her building.

After making sure that she had made it safely inside, Shinji shifted gears and pulled the car away from the curb. He drove for about fifteen minutes before he was startled by the sound of an impact on the seat next to him.

"That's not safe," Shinji scolded mildly as he glanced over at Rei who was now sitting in the front passenger seat. It still amazed him how silently the girl could move when she wanted to.

Rei glanced at him oddly. "I am aware of that."

"No, I meant… never mind." Shinji's eyes flickered back onto the road. He said, "Maya's letting us borrow her car for tonight. I'll have to bring it back tomorrow."

"That saves us the trouble of coming up with an excuse to visit her again," Rei replied. "Her home is undoubtedly filthy and could use some maintenance. Depression is no excuse for not taking care of one's home or body."

Shinji couldn't repress his grin. "And what wise individual did you learn this advice from?"

"Doctor Samuels."

"Rei!"

"And my surprisingly insecure boyfriend," Rei added.

"Hmph," Shinji replied with mock annoyance.

"My apologies." Rei leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He really hoped that he wasn't blushing, but that hope was crushed by Rei's next words.

"I trust that you are no longer irritated."

Damn, she was a fast learner.

Shinji glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. "I must admit that I hadn't expected our first date to end like this."

Rei tilted her head in a familiar gesture of curiosity. "How did you expect it to turn out?"

"Uh, I don't know. Not really anything now that I think about it. What did you expect?"

"I did not expect anything." Rei turned her body so that she faced Shinji. "I have learned from you that when it comes to life one can not truly expect anything."

Shinji thought about all the events that had happened that night. "You're absolutely right. And speaking of the unexpected, want to drive to the park and watch the sun rise? It's one of those cheesy movie date things I've always wanted to do."

"The sun will not rise for another four hours," Rei informed him. "What will we do until then?"

Shinji could think of several things, but that was just his libido talking. He forced the unsavory thoughts from his head and said, "We could take a nap or just talk."

Rei nodded. She said, "Oh. I thought that we would be 'making out.' If I am using the term correctly."

Shinji swallowed hard. "Uh, we could do that too."

Too late, he noticed the amusement in Rei's eyes. She said, "Sohryu was right. Boys really are rather single-minded."

Shinji struggled for a rejoinder then he sputtered, "This is entrapment!"

Rei's small, feminine hand laid itself over his right forearm. She looked at him with a gentle expression and said, "I would enjoy watching the sun rise with you, Shinji."

Sometimes, Shinji felt like pinching himself to confirm that he wasn't dreaming. His life had grown progressively better since his days as a pilot. There would naturally be misfortunes, but he felt that he was strong enough to confront them now. That was because he had people in his life that he could rely on now to help him when he faltered.

He had somehow gotten Rei to learn that lesson for herself. Neither of them was lonely any longer. He was happy, and judging from the peaceful look on Rei's face, he was sure that she was happy as well.

THE END


End file.
